Back home

I'm home!!! You never really know how much you love home until you go someplace that you don’t love.

I didn’t love Texas. And as much as I would love to say I am not going, I am. I know that it can’t always be perfect…life doesn’t work that way. I am anticipating a lot of crying and a lot of phone calls home, but I know that some how I am going to make it through it and probably end up loving it in the end.

But right now I don’t love it… and I think that’s okay.

Houston Day 4

Yesterday was a relaxing day so not much happening but here are some pics...


This is the living room...

















This is Bella digging a hole in the back yard why I sat in the sun...
Lets just say that the sun in Houston is very different from Cincinnati. I sat out side for fifteen minutes and got sun burned. Welcome to Texas!


















Then Bella and I decided to go for a walk. This is my new home away from home...

















This is the house too...






















So is this... and yes every house looks like this. :)






















I'm coming home! See everyone soon!!

Houston Day 3

Okay... Yeah I know day 4 is almost over and I am now just posting day 3...give me a break!


This is Adam...duh.. he is recording Casey's BGV (Background Vocals) for a song... (Oh yeah and this is in Casey's Bedroom... at the moment Casey was in the closet... he come out eventually... :))

















This is me listening to Casey... and taking a picture of myself... I look so dumb! This is how small I am, I had the headphones the smallest they could go and they were still falling off... its very sad.

















This is me watching Adam do whatever he was doing...
I don't remember what he was doing at that exact moment.

















This is Pappasitos... where we ate for Lunch. Want to hear something very crazy- Every resturant sells mexican food! It's crazy!!! So luckily I like mexican otherwise I would be in starving!

















This is the front of VMG. My batteries died so i didn't get more of it but there it is...

















Well that was my day yesterday... Studio, lunch, office, and then back to the studio.

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

I’m sad…

I’m happy…

I’m miserable…

I’m great…

I know I am going to love what I am doing down here, but at the moment I don’t love it here.

I miss my friends…

I miss my family…

I miss my life…

I miss my home…

I am trying to get used to this all and I think I might when I get down here, but I am scared. I don’t know how to make friends. I don’t know how I am going to meet people and I don’t meet people easily.

There is a great line from a song- All At Once by The Fray
“Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same…”

This is the hardest thing for me at the moment. 1) Because I don’t like change at all and 2) I don’t know anything. But I know it is the right thing.

God, I really want this to work out. I don’t want to be miserable. I really am excited. I just need you to be with me all the way…PLEASE don’t leave my side. :,(

Houston Day 2

Yesterday was fun... we didn't do much but here is some of what I saw...

This would be what is called The Galleria- it is the "rich" part of town. Let's just say it's Kenwood on crack! :)

















This is one of the many Starbucks in the Galleria area.

















Well I just like the reflection from the window...
but another shot of the galleria.






















Here is us on the way back home. We had to go to the Apple store and it took oh about 2 hours. Casey needed to get one of his computers fixed. And all we did was dropped it off. But you should have seen this mall... I wish I would have taken pictures but I couldn't because it was so big. Within the mall there were two hotels. They have all the designers stores- place I will never go in to.

















This is VMGs warehouse...

















This is the other side of it...






















This is Caseys office...






















This is Adams office...






















This is cube area... which one of these will probably become mine- at least right now... :)






















This is the hallway back to Adam, Casey and Bobs office...
(and someone else, I can't remember her name.)






















This would be a little shopping center- I guess that's what you would call it- we stopped to get gas and pick up Bella from the vet. But this place is within the neighborhood called Sienna Plantation. Which is where Adam and Melody's house is in...

















This is the same shopping mall... this is the "gas station"

















So what I have learned from everything
is that I am moving to the burbs... :(

I love the city so much it's sad to move back to the suburbs...

Well more tomorrow...

Houston Day 1

Here are some pictures from the airplane as we were getting ready to land.














This would be my view from the airplane... I am not a big fan of wing seats but It was okay... :)
















Yet another shot... I don't know what that line is...hmmm?
















Here is the sky... so pretty!
















I just loved this picture....





















This would be Bella... she went to the vet today to get fixed :(/:)... I bet she won't be as hyper today as she was yesterday. She fell in love with me. I went for a run last night and she sat by the door and whined until I got back... hehe!

More tomorrow! :)

I miss everyone at home... :(

Just some random thoughts

Here is some random thoughts because I can’t really sleep at the moment…

I have realized that I am way out of shape…
Decided to go running with a friend tonight (it wasn’t really a run, more like a walk) and let me tell you it was very funny for me and I bet my friend was laughing on the inside too. ;)
But we have this big ass hill on our road and I think I did very well I made it half way up... :/? I just get out of breath way too easily.

I realized I have a lot of shitless stuff…
(Is shitless even a word?)
And what I mean by that is I have a lot of stuff that never gets used. I just can’t seem to get myself to throw them away, like every time I go shopping I save all my bags. Doesn’t seem like that big of a deal? But the problem is I never use them again. I fold them up neatly and put them into my suitcases until I need my suitcases and then I find a place for them. Until now…
It was very hard for me but I went through all my bags and threw away over half of them. I had bags from 2 ½ years ago! There aren’t any attachments to them other then I think its ridiculous that Old Navy, Victoria Secret, American Eagle, Gap, and Aeropostale all give away very very nice bags. :)

I am going to Houston tomorrow and I am excited and scared…
(just for a visit)
I am not a patient person-well I guess with some things more than others. I am not patient when I know that everything is going to change in just a short time.
IT’S GOING TO BE 92 DEGREES TOMORROW! HOLY SHIT!
I guess I knew it was going to be hot but I didn’t know that hot. And I have purposely not looked at the temperature until this moment because I didn’t want to whine about the weather all week.

I have realized I have been really mean to people lately…
I just snap at people constantly, okay maybe just a few people. And I half know why I am doing it. See I have this weird messed up theory that when I leave some place or some one else leaves if I ignore them or I am mean to them then I can’t get hurt when we have to say goodbye.
So if I have snapped at you or have been mean to you this past week I am sorry. ;)

I have realized that I am not as innocent as what people think I am…
I will leave that thought just like that.

I have realized that being single isn’t that bad…
Yes I would love to be in a relationship, but sometimes being single isn’t that bad either. You don’t have to worry about having to hang out with your boyfriend/girlfriend. There is a lot of freedom with what you can do, who can hang out with… If I wasn’t single at this moment then I don’t know if I would be taking this giant leap of faith.

I have realized that I think about sex way too much…
I don’t think that it is bad to think about sex, but when it occupies your thoughts a lot it becomes a problem. You tend to want to act on those thoughts and it becomes a real problem. (See I am not innocent…:))

I have realized that in six weeks I will be leaving…
AHHH scary! I am leaving a whole bunch of stuff behind… but hopefully I will get to get to have new memories and new lessons to learn.

I have realized that I am sick of church…
I am sick of the bull crap that goes on behind the scenes. I have never gone to a church just to “go to church”. I love to help in anyway possible (and a lot of this is my fault) but I just over do myself a lot. I don’t know how to say no… I don’t know if its in my vocabulary? If there is a need I want to fill it.
I also think that somewhere a long this big road we have really lost the sight of church. Maybe I am wrong and I could be…

I love the saying, “The church has left the building.” We make church this thing that we go to once a week for one hour, walk in grab a cup of coffee, sit down, stand up to worship, sit to listen to the speaker talk for 30 minutes, and then leave. It seems like people think that that is all they have to do. And maybe they are getting more than enough from that, but then again maybe not. I am sick of the church thinking about holidays as a way to get new people to come and experience something more… What about all the other 50 weekends out of the year? Are we not allowed to invite people?

I have realized that people trust me a lot…
I have seen this all my life but people trust me. Which is kind of scary? Isn’t it scary when people trust you? I am glad that they trust me, but I guess I don’t trust many people so I don’t expect people to trust me so quickly.


I told you those were some very random thoughts. And that is exactly how I think of them in that order... ;)Sometimes you just need to write to relax… I do atleast.

Bittersweet

I think I have stepped off the high and into realization. They last couple of days have been really hard for me… very emotional and sad. I started realizing everything that I am going to miss, and all the memories I have here.

I am very excited to be going to Houston and experience this new journey, but I am also very sad that I have to say goodbye to everyone that I love, everyone that has contributed to me becoming who I am today, and everyone that I love (I know I already said that…that’s because I love them a lot :)).

This is going to be a long seven weeks!

Accountability

What do you think about accountability?

Here’s what I think…
I love the idea behind accountability but does it really help? (I’m going to use sex as an example for everything) If you were dating someone and you both are struggling with crossing the line a few too many times and your accountability was great in trying to help you set up some guidelines… what happens if you never stayed with those guidelines? What if you continually go to the next level all the time, even talking with your accountability?

I guess here’s my issue… if you wanted to have sex with your boyfriend then you would just do it. You wouldn’t be thinking, “Oh I need to call Sally (accountability) so I won’t have sex with Joe tonight.” I mean come on are you really thinking about your accountability if your getting intimate with your boyfriend? I doubt it! And if you are, are you really thinking about saying no and not having sex? I can guarantee the only thing on your mind is sex at that moment.

And another thing… how does an your accountability help if all you do is have sex tell him, have sex tell him, have sex tell him. That’s not accountability …to me.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of accountability. I think its great and some people do it very well and receive it very well. I guess I just have issues. Maybe I haven’t had great experiences with accountability or maybe it’s just my stubborn side.

I also believe that in order to have a great accountability you have to have a great relationship with that person. Sometimes you need to be able to tell them the hard stuff and sometimes you need to be able to hear the hard stuff. You have to be able to tell them anything with out feeling like you are going to get stoned.

So those are my thoughts on it what about yours?

Leaving Cincinnati

The time has come for me to leave Cincinnati. I have had to make some hard decisions in my life, but never have I had to make one that was this hard.

At the end of May I will be leaving Cincinnati. Could be for 3 months or it could be for 3 years, I really don’t know. But I do know that as hard as this is for me it’s the right thing to do.

So were will I be going you ask? It’s kind of very far from here… Houston, Texas.

I have been given an incredible opportunity to work with VMG (Vineyard Music Group). And to hang out with some amazing people.

It’s very scary, exciting, sad, did I mention scary and sad? I am very excited to see this journey unfold but at the same time I am very sad. There are so many great people here that I love so much (and you know who you are) that made this decision so much harder (and believe me it was so much harder), but I know that I am making the right decision as hard as it is. Nothing about any of this decision is great at the moment, for me and probably for a whole bunch of other people.

The idea of going to a brand new place is very very scary to me. I know people down there but I am leaving everyone I know and love. If you know me then you know that I don’t meet people very easily, it’s just never been my personality, so it’s very very very hard for me to leave people that I am comfortable with. But like I said I know that this is the right thing. God has confirmed it over and over again to me.

Cincinnati will always be my home. I have made some amazing friends and I have done things that I never ever thought I would have done. I may be ending a journey in my life but the best part of ending something is getting to start something new.

I know there will be questions that everyone will want to ask so please don’t be afraid to ask.

Great and sucky

Have you ever had life be so great yet it sucks so much? Exactly where I’m at!

It’s going so great and so many great things are happening and going to happen, but there are really sucky parts about it that have to happen.

Here’s to a great and sucky life at the moment!