Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Changes

So a lot of change is going on around me. And I hate change.

About two weeks ago I found out that two major people on staff were leaving and one of those people is part of my team. Then last week found out that another person on my team was also leaving. There are six people on my team, that means that two of them are leaving and they are a huge part of the team…I would say they are the most important parts of the team. And then people are dropping like dominos around here. There have been six (that I know of) that have resigned within the past two weeks. See ever since I have started working here people have left all the time. I thought hearing the news of my teammates leaving would be easy, and it was easy at first, but the whole idea of them leaving hadn’t really hit me.

And on top of all that there will be a new baby in the house soon (that’s a good thing…not a bad thing) which means that Brooke, Aaron and Mac will be gone for 4-6 weeks. Which I don’t even want to think about. Some people have asked me what are you going to do without Mac for that long and my response has been, “I think I will be okay from being away from him of course I will miss him, but I am going to miss Brooke more.” It’s not that they are leaving but for 6 weeks everything has to change and then change again when they get back.

See here’s the thing; I don’t mind change when I am doing it. If it is a decision that I have made that causes change well then that’s okay. It when everything around me is changing and I can’t do anything to stop it or control it. Like when the weather changes…I hate it…people always get sick, and you can never control that, you never know what you need to wear (when its around the time the seasons change), you can never plan anything outside because you always have to have a back up plan in-case it “might” rain.

I understand that changes are a good thing but that doesn’t mean that I have to like it. I think that every time I have had a “change” in my life it was never a good thing it was always a bad thing (at least when it happened…which is what I hate.)

Lets go back nine years ago in May of 1996 in Plano, Illinois at the middle school softball fields. I had just finished softball practice and my dad picked me up. I got in the car and I was talking about my practice and how fun it was when my dad looked at me at told me he needed to tell me something. (And let me say that we never drove away…we sat in the parking lot…which should have been my first clue that something was wrong) I looked and him and said, “Okay” (not really knowing what was coming) He told me that we were moving. He said we were moving to Cincinnati, OH, the place that he had been recently on a “business trip.” See my dad never went on business trips but for some reason he had been on several in those past couple months. I was crying at that moment. Plano had been the place where I grew up. All my friends were there, my grandparents were there, and all our family lived within an hour from us. And I had no idea where Cincinnati was, I had never heard of it…and I don’t even think I knew where Ohio was. I remember sing Ohio in a song to learn the states but I had no clue where it was. I remember crying all the way home and getting home and hugging my mom and crying some more. I got home and called my best friend and told her the sad news.

That was in May and in June we packed up and moved out here. And boy let me tell you I had no idea what life was. We moved down here knowing no one!!! And to add to all that we started home schooling that year, plus getting used to being around your family 24/7. And in three years we had moved 3 times, which might night seem a lot, but to someone who had only moved once in ten years that was a lot. And it wasn’t like when we moved in Plano, you could still keep your same friends because everyone went to the same school, when we moved here we moved 20 minutes away. Away from all the friendships we had made, away from all the familiar places.

Then at the end of 2000 Betsy and I had gone on a retreat for a week, when we came back my dad had some news to tell us. He told us that he had been laid off from his job. My dad was unemployed for more than a year after that. Talk about change. Imagine your dad home with you everyday. Things that you could get away with mom you couldn’t get away with with dad. And in that year that my dad was laid off my parents decided- no excuse- felt like God was telling them to have another child or more. Why in the hell you would want another child when you have four already? (that’s a post later to come) You got me!

Then in September of 2004 my parents started the process (which is still going on) of adopting 3 younger kids, ages 3, 2 and 1 when they came to us. Now you might think what’s so wrong with having three younger brothers and sister? That’s the problem. It was change and a big change on top of that. The whole house had to be “baby proofed”, and we had to rearrange rooms to accommodate the three little ones. And we had to get used to taking care of three little ones, who had some neglect issues and the numerous issues that come with that.

I know that change is good when ever thing is over or I have gotten used to it. Like I can look back and say moving to Cincinnati has been one of the best things that have happened to me. I don’t think that I would be the same person today if we hadn’t have moved here. I know that my dad being laid off was a good change for him and us. It taught me that through every thing God will be there for you. I don’t know if I have ever been okay with my parents adopting the kids…so I can’t say that that has been a good change.

All I know is that I am not going to enjoy the changes that are going to come. But I know that they are for good and not bad.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Being too Young

So every Wednesday morning we have staff prayer. It's actually quit refreshing for me. A couple weeks ago we read about David's Character. When we walked in the door we were handed this sheet that had this verse and 4 questions:
When the Philistines heard that David had been anointed king over all Israel, they went up in full force to search for him, but David heard about it and went out to meet them. Now the Philistines had come and raided the Valley of Rephaim; so David inquired of God: "Shall I go and attack the Philistines? Will you hand them over to me?" The LORD answered him, "Go, I will hand them over to you." So David and his men went up to Baal Perazim, and there he defeated them. He said, "As waters break out, God has broken out against my enemies by my hand." So that place was called Baal Perazim. The Philistines had abandoned their gods there, and David gave orders to burn them in the fire. Once more the Philistines raided the valley; so David inquired of God again, and God answered him, "Do not go straight up, but circle around them and attack them in front of the balsam trees. As soon as you hear the sound of marching in the tops of the balsam trees, move out to battle, because that will mean God has gone out in front of you to strike the Philistine army." So David did as God commanded him, and they struck down the Philistine army, all the way from Gibeon to Gezer.
1 Chronicles 14:8-16
1) What do you see in this passage that reveals something of David's dependence on God?
2) Where has the enemy been challenging your advance in the Kingdom of God?
(There were two more but they aren't important and we really didn't go over them.)

As I looked over that sheet I got really nervous. I didn't want to sit and talk about what I thought about that verse... just looking over it I had no idea how to answer that first question. And at first it was only me and another person in our group and that made me even more nervous because then that meant that I would have to speak... and I didn’t know what to say. Luckily two people joined us (Thank you God). They talked about that first question and I sat back and listened. I didn’t mind not talking obviously, I don't like to talk in groups but also because I didn’t know the answer to that question.

But then the second question came and I was really nervous I didn't want to talk about how the enemy was challenging me at that moment... I didn’t want to look dumb. Someone else went first and then they told me to go...I freaked out inside. I wanted to go last...I wanted to listen to everyone else talk about theirs first. But no I had to go...so I said mine. The enemy has been challenging me lately by telling me that I am too young, that I don't have enough experience, and that I don't know what I am talking about. I wanted to cry at that moment. I held back my tears as someone else went.

Every where I go, everyone that I interact with is older than me... and that is not a bad thing you can learn a lot from people who are older than you... and most of the time they are wiser than me... again you can learn a lot from them...but I think the enemy was saying that I will never know what they know, I’m not smart like them. I am too young to ever understand anything that they are talking about. I am not experienced enough to do my job.

Someone who was in my group sent me an email later that day with this verse in it:
1 Timothy 4:12
don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you teach, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.

It's funny to me because this person doesn't even really know me but they sent this verse to me and it couldn't have come at a better time. I do let people think less of me because I am young... I do let people make their stupid comments about teenagers... I do let people think that I know nothing.. All that because I listen to the lies the enemy tries to tell me. Yes I am young... yes I may not have the experience that someone who goes to school might have, but I know that I work my ass off to prove to the world that I am capable of doing this job.

I work at a church as the admin for celebrations (I think I have mentioned that before.) Before I got this job I had never done anything administrative before. I worked as an intern for two years as a creative arts intern. I went into this job knowing nothing... and on top of all that I had to follow an amazing woman who had been around for a long time and new everything. I love my job, I love organizing, I love coming up with new ways to help the team understand what’s going on, I love cleaning up after people, and I still get to be creative in this job. I couldn't think of a better job at the moment... well I can but that doesn't matter. My point is (and I am really saying this for me) I am not to young. (Donna-the lady whose place I took- is like 50! They went from a 50 year old to a 19 year old. They had to see something in a young girl like me.) I am not too young to make a difference. I am not to young!

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

The Wedding

Well here are some pictures from my sisters wedding. The wedding was beautiful... I am so happy for her and Keith. But my saying that whole day was, "I am glad I am not marrying that man!"

I am glad that Betsy married him...he had to find a good woman for him and I know that he found the right one. She's got to put up a lot with him...haha! I love Keith, he is my brother... but we have always had this weird kind of relationship... we love each other we hate eachother. 50% of the time we are arguing... but I think that is because we are so much alike. Here are the pictures.




Here is Betsy with the Bridesmaids: Sarah Sulek is on the right and Sara Green is on the left.



Here is Betsy with me and Sarah Sulek! Aren't we so cute! I love getting all dressed up...It's so fun. Yes I know I am very girly! :)


Here are the boys after the wedding... Chandler is on the left, then Don, then Ryan.


Here are my two beautiful sisters!!!! We are HOT!!!! :)


Here are all of us trying to take a picture of us... this was the second one and its not great but the other one we cut off Sarahs head... sorry Sarah!


Here is Betsy the morning of her wedding...improvement right? haha!




Well just wanted to show those all to you guys hope you enjoyed!

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Elope

I have decided that I am going to elope.

My sister is getting married tomorrow and while I am very excited for her I have decided that I don't like big crowds so I am just going to elope. It's too crazy! Everyone wants to try and tell you what to do. They want to tell you that they know better than you. Just let the Bride do what she wants it's her wedding. Weddings are stressful. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

I can't believe that my sister is getting married. She is marrying a wonderful man who loves her so much. Want to be pursued by a man? Keith and Betsy have that story. For five years he pursued her... he asked her out she turned him down... he asked her out she turned him down... he asked her out she turned him down... he asked her out she turned him down... he asked her out she turned him down. He never gave up. I saw him hurt and sad and confused but now I see that spark in his eye when he looks at her. And it amazes me how much someone can get hurt from one person and yet love her so much. August 19th they will be one and I am so happy and excited for them. They are my hero's! To Betsy who I love more than I can ever express. You are my support in every single way... Lets go to the bathroom and to Keith- man you have always been there for me and I am so excited to actually be able to call you my brother. Thank you both for showing me how to love and never give up.

I am so glad that they have found each other....maybe I will post a picture tomorrow.

My New Love

I have found my new love...:-) he made my meeting so much fun! I want one...:(
isnt he adorable?

Monday, August 15, 2005

Kalla's Korner

I don't want to write about my views on things so I made this... Check it out.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Restore

The other day my dad sent me a link to a website that sells Christian music... I was a little hesitant but my dad has a pretty good taste in music for being old... :)... So I went and downloaded a whole bunch of new songs from artist I had never heard and to my surprise I have really enjoyed them. But one song has stuck out to me.
It's a song called Restore by Grandprize.

-----------------------------------------------------------
I think about why You died
The pain You felt the hurt inside
You did it all so I could see
Just how much You love me
So why do I struggle today
To live for You in everyway?

Restore, Restore the love I had before
Restore, Restore for itÂ’s You I adore

ItÂ’s Your love and itÂ’s Your grace
That always takes me to the place
A real change within my heart
Oh how I long for a brand new start
So why do I struggle today to
Live for You in everyway?

For You redeemed my soul
You alone make me whole

Restore, Restore the love I had before
Restore, Restore my love for You Lord
Restore, Restore for itÂ’s You I adore
------------------------------------------------------

I struggle everyday to live with you in everyway. Restore restore my love for you Lord.

This past week has been filled a lot what takes hold of my life. What do I live for each day? What has my attention every single minute of every single day. What issues do I have in my life? What am I not good at. What do I do best. You know all that stuff.

There is a song called Surrender by Marc JamA lotAlot of you have probably heard it. "And I Surrender all to you all you..." Everytime I hear that song or I sing that song I feel bad. Because everytime I sing that song I tell myself, I tell God, "I surrender everything to you...my relationships, my friends, my job, my family, my dreams, my life." That is a great thing that I can surrender everything to God, that'shats the thing...I don't. The next time I hear that song I get the same feeling and I say the same prayer. And I am and was sick of that.

I am a very visual person. I like when speakers demonstrationions or movie clips. It helps me to relate or understand. So the other day I made a decision. I want to lay everything tIat i struggle with down at God's feet... I want it out of my hands... I want to quit holding on to things that don't matter... I want to start living everyday for him with everything that I have. I don't know about you but sometimes just saying things for me doesnecessarilyarly mean anything. I knew that if I really wanted to give all this stuff to God that I was going to have to do something. So I wrote down all my struggles on a sheet of paperOne one struggle on each sheet. I then went outside and burned each sheet. Before I burned a sheet I would pray about that struggle and why is has been a struggle for me. On each sheet I wrote "I am letting go of:" and as I burned the paper I would say "I am letting go of..." Yes it was a simple act but to me it was a hugh act. I haven't felt this weightless in a really really long time.

I am not saying that I won't struggle with any of those things ever again but what I am saying is that I am not going to hold on to any of those struggles anymore. I think that when we hold on to our struggles or junk we don't allow God to work in our lives. When we are free of all that junk we allow God to do so much more in our lives. We (I know I am) are more aware of what God is doing in and around me.

Father restore my heart for you.
Restore my life.
Father help me to continue to lay down everything at your feet.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

I will breastfeed in public...

So the other night after dinner we had a very interesting conversation in the Riddle house about breastfeeding and breastfeeding in public. So I wanted to research a little and give EVERYONE and insite on breastfeeding.

Here is what I think...
I think every woman has the right to breastfeed in public. I think it is a natural and healthy way for a baby to eat. I mean would you rather a baby cry at the top of its lungs or be breastfed? I know that when I have kids I am going to breastfeed in public. I think that you can be polite about it and cover yourself up. I know that some women just sit down pull their boob out and feed (I don't really see anything wrong with that...Again a natural thing...) but at the same time I think that in a public place is the wrong time to pull your boob out... So women if you are out there and reading this Please be respectful of the people around you. They may feel very uncomfortable. And men if you are reading this Please be respectful that women feel uncomfortable doing this but it is a healthy choice that we have made for our child. As mothers we want to give our child the best that we can give them. And breastfeeding a child is the best.
For me breastfeeding your child is more than just feeding them. It is 20-30 minutes of quality time with your child...bonding time. And why do so many people make a big deal about it when God created this natural thing?

Here is what the world may say...
The idea of breastfeeding in public makes a lot of people uneasy...(some of my roommates). People ask why can't they just stay home or why can't they go to the bathroom or why can't they give the child a bottle?
Okay one do you not want your wife to not have a life? And two name one woman's bathroom that has a place to sit comfortably and feed your child? and three pumping or making a bottle take more time then breastfeeding and its not healthy. Here is an article that I read about breastfeeding from www.lalecheleague.org:

Breastfeeding in public matters because hungry babies aren't very patient and it's hard to be a parent without leaving home. Once the early weeks have passed and a mother has resumed activities outside her home, finding a truly private place to breastfeed her baby can be difficult, if not impossible. Beyond practical considerations, many women make a philosophical choice about breastfeeding in public because they feel it is the most effective and natural way to meet their babies' needs. Breastfeeding doesn't stop being best for babies and mothers just because other people are present, and mothers want to continue to give their babies (and themselves) the best...
...Offering breast milk in a bottle is often suggested when the debate on breastfeeding in public hits television or radio talk shows. But that option offers problems for the mother and baby that may be overlooked by the general public. First, it takes extra time and care to pump, store, and transport milk - time that may be precious, particularly in the early weeks and months. Babies receive fewer of the benefits of breastfeeding when they receive human milk that is not fresh from the source. They also run the risk of developing nipple confusion - having trouble switching back and forth between breast and bottle. Mothers run a higher risk of developing a plugged duct or breast infection because of the delay between feedings at the breast, particularly in the early months. A mother who skips feedings will probably be very uncomfortable from full breasts. If she is unable to pump her breasts, her supply will probably decrease slightly. So she'll still be experiencing the consequences the next day, when her baby nurses more frequently to replenish her supply. She also loses the convenience of being able to soothe her baby quickly and easily while she is out. She may even run out of milk in bottles before she finishes her errands.
All of the challenges of offering human milk in a bottle while in a public place can be overcome. But the bottom line is that many women find it easier, healthier, more economical, more ecologically sound, and more relaxing to fit breastfeeding in with all their daily activities than it is to fit occasional bottle-feeding in with their breastfeeding...

Another often suggested strategy for breastfeeding your baby when you are out is to take him to the restroom or toilet facility to feed him. However, no one would suggest that an adult eat his or her lunch in a public toilet.

Did you know that many woman are being told everyday that they can not breastfeed their child in public places? Woman are being told that they should go to a more "public place."Here is another article I read about women's rights to breastfeed in public:

The good news about breastfeeding in public is that in the United States, women are gaining more breastfeeding rights. In 1998, U.S. Rep. Carolyn Maloney (a Democrat from New York) introduced legislation (The Right to Breastfeed Act, H.R. 1848) to protect a woman's right to breastfeed on federal property where she and her child have a right to be. The bill was signed into law on Sept. 28, 1999 when President Clinton signed the Treasury Postal Appropriations bill, which included Rep. Maloney's Right to Breastfeed Act.

So those are some of my thoughts on breastfeeding. The next time someone says anything about women not being able to breastfeed in public...or why can't they go to the bathroom...or use a bottle...or anything...I am gonna say why don't you go eat your dinner in the bathroom?

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Why can't I be satisfied?

Do you ever know something in your head but never put it in your heart?
I had a friend recently tell me that I should really find out why I like this guy...What is it about him that I like? Do I just like the idea of him? Really find out what is all about? (My friend didn't say all that but that's how I understood it) Now when this friend told me this I was mad. I didn't need someone else to tell me something that I already knew. I didn't need to be reminded of it. But as I thought about it more last night and this morning I realized that is exactly what I needed. I thought that I had everything under control. I thought I knew what I was doing. I thought I knew how to handle it. Obviously I was wrong. Sometimes for me I know what is right and what I should do but that's it. I never put it to practice. I just let it sit in my head and I think about it all the time. I think about the good stuff and the bad stuff.
See when my friend asked me that I knew the answer already...I just didn't want to accept that that could be true in my life again. I know that the one thing I want is to be completely satisfied with God. And I know that...But again I don't always put in to practice...I described it to myself like this. It's like God is the best candy in the world and its the only thing that fills you up. It always sits there just waiting for you. Occasionally I might grab a piece and sometimes I grab a lot of pieces, but sometimes I don't grab any pieces because I think I have found better candy. Sometimes it will make me full for a moment and sometimes it doesn't make me full at all. And I will eat all that candy until its all gone and then I am craving candy. So what do I do...I go back to eating the best candy in the world. But I don't want to eat it when I am starving I want to always eat it.
See I know that I try to fill that emptiness with boys instead of God. But again sometimes I know. I normally realize that I do it and not do anything about it. But I am sick of that. I am sick of being in this place all the time. If I know why don't I do anything about it? I know that everything I am looking for in men is already in God! So again why can't I just be satisfied with God? If God is the one thing I want why can't I just be with him? Why is that such a hard thing for me to do? How do you even do it? How do I be completely satisfied with God? I want to!!!!!!
I am tired of always coming back to this with God. I am tired of this being the one thing that I always talk to him about. I want God to be the one and only thing that I desire!!!! I am so tired of trying to fill an emptiness that I know where to fill it with. But why is it so hard? Why do I struggle with this all the time? Why do I try to find wholeness in men?

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Naked

Naked hot sauce...yum!

So a couple weeks ago we took a little trip to Jungle Jim's. It was very fun and we (well Two) found this hot sauce. So I decided to take a picture of it because it was so funny. But everytime i see it it makes me want to go buy it... just because it is so funny! The one is a man and woman doing something and then on the left there is a man and you can't really see the woman on the right... but i have another one lets see if you can see that one better... no you can't really see it so it's not worth posting... but isn't that great! Jungle Jim's is very educational. HAHA!! Looks tasty...YUM!!!!

Friday, August 05, 2005

Transformation

trans·for·ma·tion n.
The act or an instance of transforming.
The state of being transformed.
A marked change, as in appearance or character, usually for the better

God transform me into who I am supposed to be. How do I know if I am who I am supposed to be right now? What if I am not who I am supposed to be? What if I am who I am supposed to be?

Everything in this world transforms. Flowers transform, roads transform, food transforms. Everyday we become older...slowly but surely! (Some get older quicker than others…:)) We can transform on the outside or we can transform on the inside. I think I would rather transform on the inside. But what takes us so long to transform? I think we as humans are very stubborn- we don’t want to hear what other people might have to say- we want to do things our own way (stubborn). I think when we stop being caught up in ourselves and more focused on others we began to see God more. And as a result we begin to see ourselves.

Sometimes I think that I have to do something so big to make a difference in this world or to feel like I am following God's plan for my life. Sometimes I think if only I could speak in front of people maybe I would be something or what if I was in a high position at work then I would be someone and maybe I could make a difference. Recently I had to fill out this Spiritual Assessment for my job. It's kinda dumb- they just ask when you became a Christians.....things like that. But one of the questions was asking what I thought about this saying:
Small things done with great love will change the world.

Here is what I wrote:
“Small things done with great love will change the world.” It’s pretty amazing if you actually think about it. I mean we hear that phrase all the time, but just think about it… I don’t have to be Dave Workman to make a difference in this world. I don’t have to be Robbie Reider. I don’t have to be anything fancy to make a difference, I can go buy someone dinner in a Drive-thru or buy someone a drink at Starbucks and I can be making a difference.

Why do so many of us want to be Dave Workman’s or Robbie Reiders. I can tell you one thing...I was not created to be a Dave or Robbie and I am perfectly okay with that. I don't think that it's finding out Who I am supposed to be but it's being content with who I am and who God has created me to be. I think when I first wrote that prayer I was expecting God to make me into a Dave or a Robbie. But that’s not what I want and that's not who I am. I am not a public speaker and I was not gifted to lead worship.

I am Kalla Green who works at Vineyard Community Church as an Admin for Celebrations. I live in Cincinnati in the "Riddle house." I have a wonderful immediate family and "family" I have friends that I trust and love so much. I know that my life is completely devoted to God. I am in love with a little boy named Mac (who makes me smile everyday!) That’s just part of me. But that’s me. And I am okay with that. I love my job, I love my house, I love my family…what else could I want?

God transform me into who are…let my life reflect you. Don’t let me get in the way of You.