Changes

So a lot of change is going on around me. And I hate change.

About two weeks ago I found out that two major people on staff were leaving and one of those people is part of my team. Then last week found out that another person on my team was also leaving. There are six people on my team, that means that two of them are leaving and they are a huge part of the team…I would say they are the most important parts of the team. And then people are dropping like dominos around here. There have been six (that I know of) that have resigned within the past two weeks. See ever since I have started working here people have left all the time. I thought hearing the news of my teammates leaving would be easy, and it was easy at first, but the whole idea of them leaving hadn’t really hit me.

And on top of all that there will be a new baby in the house soon (that’s a good thing…not a bad thing) which means that Brooke, Aaron and Mac will be gone for 4-6 weeks. Which I don’t even want to think about. Some people have asked me what are you going to do without Mac for that long and my response has been, “I think I will be okay from being away from him of course I will miss him, but I am going to miss Brooke more.” It’s not that they are leaving but for 6 weeks everything has to change and then change again when they get back.

See here’s the thing; I don’t mind change when I am doing it. If it is a decision that I have made that causes change well then that’s okay. It when everything around me is changing and I can’t do anything to stop it or control it. Like when the weather changes…I hate it…people always get sick, and you can never control that, you never know what you need to wear (when its around the time the seasons change), you can never plan anything outside because you always have to have a back up plan in-case it “might” rain.

I understand that changes are a good thing but that doesn’t mean that I have to like it. I think that every time I have had a “change” in my life it was never a good thing it was always a bad thing (at least when it happened…which is what I hate.)

Lets go back nine years ago in May of 1996 in Plano, Illinois at the middle school softball fields. I had just finished softball practice and my dad picked me up. I got in the car and I was talking about my practice and how fun it was when my dad looked at me at told me he needed to tell me something. (And let me say that we never drove away…we sat in the parking lot…which should have been my first clue that something was wrong) I looked and him and said, “Okay” (not really knowing what was coming) He told me that we were moving. He said we were moving to Cincinnati, OH, the place that he had been recently on a “business trip.” See my dad never went on business trips but for some reason he had been on several in those past couple months. I was crying at that moment. Plano had been the place where I grew up. All my friends were there, my grandparents were there, and all our family lived within an hour from us. And I had no idea where Cincinnati was, I had never heard of it…and I don’t even think I knew where Ohio was. I remember sing Ohio in a song to learn the states but I had no clue where it was. I remember crying all the way home and getting home and hugging my mom and crying some more. I got home and called my best friend and told her the sad news.

That was in May and in June we packed up and moved out here. And boy let me tell you I had no idea what life was. We moved down here knowing no one!!! And to add to all that we started home schooling that year, plus getting used to being around your family 24/7. And in three years we had moved 3 times, which might night seem a lot, but to someone who had only moved once in ten years that was a lot. And it wasn’t like when we moved in Plano, you could still keep your same friends because everyone went to the same school, when we moved here we moved 20 minutes away. Away from all the friendships we had made, away from all the familiar places.

Then at the end of 2000 Betsy and I had gone on a retreat for a week, when we came back my dad had some news to tell us. He told us that he had been laid off from his job. My dad was unemployed for more than a year after that. Talk about change. Imagine your dad home with you everyday. Things that you could get away with mom you couldn’t get away with with dad. And in that year that my dad was laid off my parents decided- no excuse- felt like God was telling them to have another child or more. Why in the hell you would want another child when you have four already? (that’s a post later to come) You got me!

Then in September of 2004 my parents started the process (which is still going on) of adopting 3 younger kids, ages 3, 2 and 1 when they came to us. Now you might think what’s so wrong with having three younger brothers and sister? That’s the problem. It was change and a big change on top of that. The whole house had to be “baby proofed”, and we had to rearrange rooms to accommodate the three little ones. And we had to get used to taking care of three little ones, who had some neglect issues and the numerous issues that come with that.

I know that change is good when ever thing is over or I have gotten used to it. Like I can look back and say moving to Cincinnati has been one of the best things that have happened to me. I don’t think that I would be the same person today if we hadn’t have moved here. I know that my dad being laid off was a good change for him and us. It taught me that through every thing God will be there for you. I don’t know if I have ever been okay with my parents adopting the kids…so I can’t say that that has been a good change.

All I know is that I am not going to enjoy the changes that are going to come. But I know that they are for good and not bad.