Friends with benefits

So I talked about sex yesterday so I thought it wouldn’t hurt to talk about it again. I told you I liked the thought of it… :)

I have always thought about being a friend with benefits or having a friend with benefits (I guess those two would be the same thing). (When I say being a friend with benefits I mean an on going sexual relationship with another person.) Now I know that while having a relationship with God that it would be wrong on so many levels, but for a minute lets put that aside. I would agree with you that it is very hard to have a friend with benefits while being in a relationship with God.

That set aside…

Have you ever thought about doing it (being a friend with benefits)? I have numerous times and I have also thought about how easy it would be to just sleep with someone and then leave and I have also thought about what affects that would have on me. I think it is impossible for a woman to be a friend with benefits. And the reason that I think it is impossible is because women are very emotional and we get attached very easily.

I was watching a show the other day called, True Life: Friends with Benefits on MTV. My first reaction was that would be great to have a friend that you could “hook up” with at anytime. But as I continued to watch it I began to laugh.

There were two couples: The first couple were just friends with benefits, he went on other dates and she went to school far away but occasionally she would come back to hook up with him. The second couple had been friends since they were younger and ended up sleeping together one night which then lead to an awkward relationship. Are they friends? Are they friends with benefits? Or are they in a relationship?

In the first couple they both truly liked each other, but neither of them were ready to settle down. But at the same time the girl was very jealous when he would talk to other girls or he would get a phone call or wasn’t attached to her. And he was very unattached! All he was looking for was a sex partner. He didn’t want all the talking, all the questions just someone to sleep with.

There is the problem…what both of them wanted they were getting but it wasn’t the same thing. We as women like to cuddle, like guys to whisper sweet nothings in our ear. Men don’t really want all that. They would be much happier with having sex and saying good bye. They just give to get.

In the second couple the guy was completely in love with her. He would have been willing to drop everything at the drop of a dime for her, but she wasn’t. She said in one segment that she wasn’t very attracted to him, but when they started drinking she just couldn’t help herself and a majority of the time they would end up going back to his house and having sex. Was she using him? Yes! Did he know it? Yes and No!

That’s another problem. Not saying in all- but I think that in a majority of friends with benefits relationships one person is using the other and they don’t know it. See for him he didn’t think he was being used because he liked her. In some twisted part of his mind he probably did know that he was being used but discarded it because he thought that maybe if she slept with him she might fall in love with him.

In the end both couples had ended their relationships. And in both relationships someone was hurt.

I just don’t think that we were created to be in those “fulfilling” kinds of relationships. We all want to be happy, we all want the next best things, we all want the best relationships and I think so many times we settle. I could go out and be in a sexual relationship with someone, but I would never be satisfied. I would still feel empty, lonely, and not great about myself. I would be settling for someone less then who I was supposed to be with.

Don’t settle! Go for what you want and if that means waiting 20, 30, 40 years then it will all be worth it in the end. (knock on wood) :)