My phobia

I hate school. Not the work but the actually buildings. They scare me and I can’t really tell you why. I really wanted to go see one of my friends Orchestra concerts once and I did. But I sat in my car for 15 minutes before we went in because I was so scared. I think I seriously have a phobia of schools… what would you call that?

As most of you know I am getting ready to go to college (yeah schools freak me out, colleges are worse) and I needed to find out some stuff about enrolling. So my nice older brother thought it would be a good idea if we went to the school. WHAT? Go to the school? Are you crazy? He was laughing at me just like everyone else does. As we were driving I was really nervous and scared. What could happen? I don’t know. When we got there I was sweating and my hands were sweating and I was playing with my keys inside my jacket because I was so nervous. Nobody can understand and I don’t expect people too. It’s just a fear that I need to get over.

Recently I had to go back to that school to take a test and this time I had to go by myself. I was so scared. And this time it was because two things, one I had to go to the school and two I had to take a test. After I walked into the building my fear of the school went away but not my fear of talking the test. I had to be there at 5:45 to fill out papers and the test started at 6:00. I knew what classroom it was but I wasn’t for sure where it was located. I found it pretty easy. So I was there ten minutes early waiting with everyone else outside the class for the teacher to show. I tried to play a game on my phone to keep my mind off of the test… worked for a little.

I don’t know why I get so scared about test but I have a good idea... Being home schooled. The only major test I ever took when I was in school at the end of the year called an Iowa Basic Test. What scared me about this test that I had to take was I had to write and essay. :-O! Now I know I write on here a lot but it is very different. I don’t read and comprehend things very well and that’s what they were asking me to do. Read an article and then write what I thought about it.

I guess I hate home schooling so much because people never saw it as being legit.
People make fun of the fact that I was home schooled. I couldn’t help the fact that I was home schooled, I had no choice, so don’t judge me or make fun of me! I didn’t like home schooling and I can make fun of it all I want but please don’t make fun of me because of a decision I couldn’t not control. I wanted to go back to school every year but I had no choice the control was out of my hands. There are people who were jealous of me because I was home schooled and then there were people who were mean because they didn’t think home schooling was “school.” But what defines school?

I can certainly say that I did what I needed to graduate. Maybe I didn’t have to do projects or write papers all the time but I think I did all that I needed to do.

I feel very unprepared for the journey that is coming. I am very excited for school but very scared. I don’t know how to do projects. I’ve never really had to do any. I don’t write papers very well. I don’t think I have ever really studied. I don’t know what it is like to be taught or have a teacher. You can say that my mom was my teacher but when it really came down to it, all she did was grade my stuff.

I don’t expect all this to be easy, I actually expect it to be very difficult and challenging. But I am ready! I am ready to be challenged and I’m ready to grow.
I don’t even know what any of this is going to look like… I am just following Him.