I want to Struggle

I was journaling tonight about something in my life that I am struggling with right now...And I feel like I talk about it all the time with God. And I have journaled a lot about this actually and asking God to help me or take it from me or I just don't want this anymore but I was reading this tonight and it really hit me. (you better read that or you won't get what I am about to say)
I have started to think that maybe this "struggle" is a good thing. Maybe it's not as bad as I think it is...Honestly its not that bad but its something that I struggle with over and over again. So you probably want to know what this struggle is so here it is:
I have issues with men. Not them. I think they are great human beings...Most of the time. ;) But it seems that I always want to have a man in my life. And my good friends like to tell me "You always go for men that are unavailable." And it all started about 5 years ago when I started dating a guy that was a leader and he left the church so we could date and then a month later broke up with me. (that's where boys are dumb) and ever since then I have dated or liked men that or unavailable. One was another leader- had a relationship that was completely hidden from the world, did something that I wasn't proud of.
Two was a good friend but then a student- He was a great guy and still is but he was a student I was on staff and that was a big no no even though we did kinda "date" We emailed each other all the time...Told each other "I love you" (don't ever say that unless you really mean it...Those are three very strong words) but things between us were just not meant to be.
Three was a friend but he had a girlfriend- first guy that I had every liked that was taken...haha! And now I like a guy who ** ** *** **** ***** as me! There are so many reasons why he is unavailable right now. And there are so many reasons why I struggle with it everyday. Why the hell do I do this to myself?
And every time I seem to get myself hurt and I always blame the guys for hurting me. So I was thinking about this because I don't want it to happen again and I thought they aren't the ones who are hurting me. I am hurting myself. I set myself up for so much. I put my whole heart into it (which is not bad but it is when its wrong) I expected so much from each of them and in the end I just got my heart broke because I set myself up for so much. How dumb of me!
I am struggling with this for a reason I believe. I may not know that reason but struggling for me means that I am learning something. And if I have to struggle to learn some hard things that's okay with me and I think in the end it will all be worth it.
I have learned so much through those really crappy moments in my life. It sucks when it happens but looking back at those moments I can say "wow that was dumb! Why the hell did you do that Kalla?" no just kidding. I can look back and see how not to do that again.
I am so excited to see what God is going to teach me through this struggle! (I can't believe I just said that) But I really believe what Steve wrote says everything!