Have you ever used someone to make yourself feel better? Have you ever done something to make yourself feel better? And I don’t mean used on purpose. I think I use guys a lot to make myself feel prettier, to make me feel that I am worth something, to have those butterflies in your stomach every time you think about him, to make me think that I better than other people because I like this guy. I think that I have used friends to become friends with someone else. I thought if I hung out with Sarah (I just made that name up) then maybe Jessica will think that I was cool and want to be my friend. I think I have also used friends to get away from home at time- you know?
I think I also do certain things to make me feel good about myself. Now I love to sit on our roof on a hot day (it doesn’t even have to be a hot day) and tan- there are two reasons why I do it: One because when I am tan I feel so much more confident in myself, I can wear skirts because my legs aren’t white and I can wear tank tops because I want to show how good I look. Two- because when I am up there the world doesn’t matter. For 40 minutes I don’t have to think of anyone but me, heck I don’t even have to think about me.
I also buy name brand clothes because I want to “fit in.” I want everyone to think that I am cool because I can buy nice clothes. Or I work out because everyone else around me looks good and I want to look good so I work out to make myself feel better. Or you buy a “cooler” cell phone because yours is like two years old and it’s just not cool anymore so you have to buy a really nice one so everyone will check it out and be jealous.
The thing is we all do different sorts of things to make us “feel good”. But I don’t believe that any of those things makes us happy. I know for me it doesn’t. It’s a temporary fix. It last for a moment and then goes away and the cycle starts all over again. I know I can do all those things and have everyone love me but there would still be something missing. I would still go out and find another thing that made me happy just trying to fill that emptiness inside.
But here’s the great thing…you ready… the thing you are searching for or maybe just me is right in front of my face. God! The thing that is going to make me feel truly good about myself and not leave an empty space is God. And I know that sounds so easy. “Yeah, just turn to God and your emptiness will go away”, but it ain’t like that. I have to remind myself all the time that I can only find true fulfill ness in God. I have to remind myself that I have found something truly amazing with God. I have to remind myself that my life without God is a complete hell! I have to remind myself that I have to work at it. It’s not something that is just going to happen. I can’t ask God to fulfill all my needs and that’s it. I have to work at it just as much as he does. I know that when I am spending time with God I feel complete, I feel full and happy. And I know that when I am not spending quality time with him that I feel empty and crazy.
I hope that you all can find true happiness and fulfillment in God.
1 comment:
Great thoughts, Kalla. I believe that what you are hitting on is taking our natural thoughts captive and allowing God to transform us by the renewing of our minds. This is something that I have been really focused on lately. As women, this often particularly means asking God to remove all the crap that society and sometimes our interactions with others try to tell us about ourselves (we are fat, ugly, not good enough, etc.) and asking God to allow us to see the one-of-a-kind, captivating creature that he created. You are captivating!
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