There are probably a lot of things in my life that I should regret, but I don’t. I don’t regret anything in my life because it has molded me to be who I am. I like who I am and I can’t wait to see who I become with each new journey.I don’t want to regret things in the future. Sometimes I think we (me) don’t take chances, don’t take risk, stay in situations because they are safe, comfortable, but are they really?
I’ve said it before and I haven’t done it. I want to take risk and all I’m doing is staying on the safe side. I don’t want to regret walking across the street. Yes, I can see the other side of the street, but do I really know what’s over there? Do I really know who or what might be over there if I just walk across?
I am a people pleaser and I want to please everyone. I want everyone to like me and I want to make everyone’s life better. Sometimes I don’t do enough for me and when it comes time to making decisions for me, it becomes really hard.
I don’t know how to trust. God, who I should trust the most, I don’t. I’ve avoided him the last couple weeks because I know that he’s going to tell me to do something that I really don’t want to do, because I am too scared to take a risk, too scared to trust that he could possibly know anything, and do damn stubborn.
I’m afraid that if I don’t trust God I will regret it for the rest of my life… so what do you do?
5 comments:
you take the shot...swing for the fences...sprint through the tape...some other sports analogy that involves risk...
Kalla your honesty is refreshing.
i think you need to ask this:
what's the worse thing that could happen?
is it death? because, damn, that would actually be awesome !(you know what i mean)
honestly, what is the worst thing that could happen if you trust Him? will you be embarassed? scorned? ashamed? hurt? what is it that you're afraid of the most. and in there is the answer.
i am often doing things He calls me to, and i have no idea why i'm doing them. maybe i never will-but i'm certain they're good for Him. and sometimes they hurt me, sometimes they make me feel absolutely alone, but i know He wants to bring me to a place where i would rather suffer than sin. no matter the cost.
trusting sucks sometimes. i know you know what i mean. i had to teust Him when i moved to the table, i have to trust Him when He tells me to go up to strangers and tell them His words, or buy them a slice of cheesecake, or go to school or what have you. but i think after a couple of times, i realized that it's far better to just suck it up and do it, than sit and wonder what the very creator of dreams and hopes Himself would have had for me otherwise.
People have told you a million times that His way is better. and every time i hear that it pisses me off. they forgot to mention-His way is more difficult on many occassions. and i'm sure they've told you He wouldn't give you nything you couldn't handle-whichis utter B.S. why else would you need HIm if you couldn't handle it?
you get crazy, love. "go ahead girl, get down get down"
jillian
Kalla,
It is sooo easy to hear your words and say,"Go for it." Cause I'm not the one taking the risk at the moment. I'm not the one gripped with anxiety of the unknown or even yet...the fear of failure. However, I will leave you with something someone very near and dear to me once said...
"God is always there, he never abandons us – even in the most tumultuous waves of anxiety, fear, frustration and anger…. He’s there as we twist things up inside of us and create internal battles to counter the desire to take risks…He is there as we would rather not continue-on at times….He is there… He is there….He is there!!!!! Even if you take a risk and it ends not as you would have expected, justlook at all of the joy and things you have learned and gleaned from your journey. Even so, we were made for adventure and from time to time, our hearts were made to be broken and then put back together again – so that He can show us His strength and compassion again and again, so we trust in Him, more and more…and lean on our faith harder and harder. "
I cherish these words and remind myself on a daily basis that to take risks is to grow in Him. They have been my driving force in the last 3 years and even when the fear grips you, it is an indescribable adredanlin rush when you realize you took the leap! Hang in there darlin' and know you have people out there cheerin' you on!
All of us (including me) at a minimum TRUSTS someone. That someone can be a friend, an associate at work, the government, God or yes even our own puny selves. We will deposit our trust into someone, so it's definitely advantageous to examine ourselves and determine who can we give our trust to.
IMHO my trust goes to the one who will in turn love me for who I really am, you know accepts me - the good and the bad. Someone who will be gentle with me when I don't quite meet up to their expectations. Someone who sometimes has to show "tough love" so that I don't get into more trouble than I can handle. Someone who would give up more of themselves than I could ever give to them. I think I could really trust someone like that.
The question that I (and possibly you) have to answer is who meets this kind of criteria on a day-to-day consistent basis? Whoever I think that person is will get my TRUST.
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