I don’t know what to do.It should be so easy for me to just pick up and go any where. I mean I’m nineteen with nothing holding me back…
Am I ready to let go of everything? Am I really ready to grow up? Can I handle being away away from my family? Am I ready to leave everything I know? Is this even what God wants? Or is it something I have made to be so great in my mind?
I don’t know what to do.
I believe that there are times in our lives when God gives us choices and either choice is okay because he is going to use me in either situation. I don’t like choices. “I really just want you to tell me where to go what to do God.”
It’s funny because I really don’t like when people tell me what to do and normally I tend to do the opposite but I really would just like God to tell me what to do. If he’s going to use me in either situation then why can’t he just tell me what to do?
I don’t know what to do.
I’m stuck. I am torn between two things that I really really love. I am torn between a life here and a life I don’t know somewhere else. But where is God going to use me more? Where am I going to feel safe and at home?
I don’t know what to do.
I like security. I like to know that I am secure and someone is always there to help me out. I like the idea of financial security. I like the idea that I know how to do things. I’m not someone who can drop everything and go. Oh that is not me at all. But what if you’ve felt that nudge? What if in a weird way God has been preparing me for that?
I don’t know what to do.
I like to have an idea in my head of what things might look like in the future. You know the whole “where do you see yourself in five years…” I have this idea in my head (and it really has never turned out to be what I think it is going to be) what my life will look like.
I don’t know what to do.
TAKE A RISK! Do you know me? I am not a risk taker at all. You might call me a safe-risk taker. I do everything from the side lines and maybe watch people at first and then do it. But I don’t know if I have ever just stepped out and did something in faith or just to take a risk. Yeah, I’ve thought about it…but I have never just jumped.
I don’t know what to do.
I would like to say that I have a lot of faith in God. But sometimes in these moments I think I have very little. I have very little faith that God can work things out the way they I want them to be. And maybe that’s the problem. The way I want them to be. Faith is and will never be about me. It will always be about someone who is much bigger than me.
I don’t know what to do.
See the pattern here…I really don’t know what to do.
6 comments:
this is intriguing... i'm dying of curiosity as to what you're deciding on. :)
anyway, i know i've been stretched and God's caused me to grow a lot when i stepped out, not really knowing if i was ready or not. not that it's something i do all the time. but i look at big decisions you've made over the last year or so... think of that as preparation. you'll make the right decisions again when it's time...
guess what? you do know what to do. oooo---yes you do! :) so, do it! no one else is going to help you this time-He is telling you what you should do, and you're seeing the signs, but i bet you keep stopping to question them because to do the thing He's asking is new-it's different, you want some clarification-how's it going to turn out? why should you? i know, i know, love. it stinks a bit. consult Him again, then a trusted source. in the meantime i'll pray tonight that He continues to give you bold signs---and you are hearing from Him, and those around you telling you otherwise can chew an old sock-He speaks in new ways to you---forget their old mindset. God cannot and will not be put into a box, that's where you come in-Daughter of the most High King. you need not fear this one kiddo----
love you much,
jillian
I've often found that you don't hear from God EXACTLY what to do with big decisions in life. I would guess that most people never hear a definitive yes or no (at least, I know I usually don't). That's why I love this quote from Erwin McManus:
"The key isn't the ability to read God's mind, but to know his heart."
Maybe God wants you to make this decision based on what you know of his heart. Maybe he wants you to learn and grow from making a decision on your own. Maybe his greatest gift is NOT telling us the "right" thing to do all the time.
I would guess that he'll bless either choice. The question is, "What do you want Kalla?"
Your heart is free...have the courage to follow it.
"Maybe he wants you to learn and grow from making a decision on your own."
I'm so glad you put this out there. It is something I needed to be reminded of, plus statements like "The key isn't the ability to read God's mind, but to know his heart," drive me crazy!
I know they are true and very well intentioned. Personally, I just find an extreme amount of frustration with them. It is usually someone telling me this after they have discovered God's plan. I want to read their journal while they were standing at the 6 forks in the road that I constantly feel like I'm staring down.
The problem with my 6 forks is that I can see good in each option, but I have a difficult time discerning God's will vs my own plan. I don't think the two are mutually exclusive, but I do know how my mind works, little opportunist that it is. Then I wonder if I'm being hard on myself, or if I'm not close enough to God's heart, but wait, "God wired me this way, didn't He?" Maybe I'm just selfish, or a flake (please don't respond to that one), or I'm taking life too seriously. Actually, it's probably all of the above.
So Kalla, from one confused girl to another, when He calls, just be willing to "Go." I pray that He gives you clarity and resolve as you walk with Him through this time.
Courtney...good thoughts. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing them. I did want to point out one thing - I don't think I've "figured out" God's plan for my life, I think I'm learning to live with the absence of a definitive plan, and instead, make choices based on what I know of God's heart and character, not what I necessarily "hear" from him.
I'm reminded of this great story of Mother Teresa:
Mother Teresa met the brilliant ethicist John Kavanaugh and asked, "And what can I do for you?" Kavanaugh asked her to pray for him. "What do you want me to pray for?" she asked. He voiced the request that he had borne thousands of miles from the United States. "Pray that I have clarity."
She said firmly, "No, I will not do that." When he asked her why, she said, "Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of." When Kavanaugh commented that she always seemed to have the clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, "I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God."
Kalla, I will pray that you trust God.
Steve, I had forgotten about the clarity story. I remember that one, too. Another thing about Mother Teresa... I have heard that in her journals she repeatedly writes about feeling spiritually dry. In a weird way, it gives me hope during times of doubt or times that I'm feeling lost. I realize that even though she felt these same things, she still trusted in God. Such an inspiration!
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