Is guilt bad? With out going into any details, I have struggled a lot with guilt this week. Not that I have ever not felt guilty before but this time was different. This time I knew it was wrong and I knew that I contributed a lot to what happened. Are we supposed to feel guilty? Is it supposed to be some kind of punishment?
I guess the thing that I really struggle with is how could God possibly love me? How do we just say, “God I fucked up I’m sorry please forgive me?”, when we don’t feel like we deserve it? I mean yes I can say that and I do. But I don’t want it to be something I say and don’t mean. I don’t want it to become a “saying.” Why do I deserve God’s forgiveness?
Part of me thinks I should feel guilty, I mean I did do something wrong? But the other part of me says No I shouldn’t feel this way. I shouldn’t dwell on it. I just don’t know how I should feel.
I am okay until I think about it and then that’s when I feel all the guilt come back. It would be really easy for me to run away from it right now, and believe me that is exactly what I want to do. But I know I would just be running away from a lot more than just “it.”
It’s different being older and making mistakes. It’s not like when you’re younger. I guess the difference is when I made mistakes as a child my parents would punish me and then hug me afterwards or tell me they love me. Believe me when I say this, I know that God loved me after I messed up, but why? I mean if I was God I don’t know if I could forgive me? (I guess that’s why I am not God)
I don’t know about you but it’s very difficult for me to accept God’s grace.
3 comments:
the whole guilt thing can be confusing... i think there is a difference between the conviction the Holy Spirit gives (and the natural remorse that follows) when we've screwed up and the sort of feeling the enemy uses to keep us feeling down and unworthy. that said, i know it's really tough to 'snap out of it' when you're feeling guilty. praying that you experience God's grace to move forward in a deep way today. and sending you a hug... :)
Kalla,
I think accepting God's grace is the primary challenge of our lives.
It is an issue of pride, and at the same time, it is an issue of insecurity. We can't believe that God can possibly run our lives better than we can, but when we realize have gone wrong, we can't possibly believe that God could love us enough to forgive us for not allowing Him to do so. It's a great human paradox, and if you figure a way around it, I'd love to hear it.
So you're not alone.
I think guilt is helpful in so much as it motivates you not to do whatever it is you feel guilty about again. After that...it's useless. In fact, sometimes, holding onto guilt is downright blasphemy. It's a direct denial of the Holy Spirit's ability to change you, and, perhaps worse, it's a denial that Jesus's death on the cross was sufficient to clean you.
Oh great...blasphemy...now we've got that to feel guilty about.
You'll never be good enough. Not ever. You will always be wrong, you will always fall short, and you will always disappoint a perfect Creator.
I don't know what you did...or how and why you did it. I don't care. Whatever it is, I guarantee I've done worse, and I've done it twice and with a smile on my face the whole time. I am a sinner. And not in a cute way, either. Not in a "oh geez, I thought a lustful thought...God, what a sinner I am" kind of way. I'm talking about real sin...honest-to-God, make-Satan-blush, in-road to Hell kind of sin.
...and I am clean.
...and you are clean.
You are broken, weak and needy. Just like me. You will continue to sin, just like me. You make horrible decisions, just like me. That sucks.
So do your best to understand why you did what you did...whatever it is. And then do your best to figure out how not to do it again. And then...for the love of God....let it go. You are clean. You are washed.
...and at some point, you come face to face with humanity's greatest challenge...you have to live with that fact.
Peace,
Justin
Guilt is a very natural feeling. I think God created it for a very simple purpose. So that we would desire his forgiveness. Adam and Eve had guilt. I think God gives us guilt so we know we did something wrong and so that we desire forgiveness. I think I just repeated myself there to.
Post a Comment