The only love we need.

So I wrote about a month ago (you can go back and read it) about how I always have to have a man in my life. Not necessarily dating someone but I always have to have a "crush." And recently I have come to the realization that that is a bunch of bull shit! Whoever made that up didn't know what they were talking about.

I don't remember the last time I didn't like someone. Is it even possible for a person not to like someone? I don't know. But needing and having a guy in my life has been my life for I don't know ten years. I shouldn't be waiting for that moment every day. I would actually say that 50% of my day I think about men. Isn't that just disturbing...it is to me. But here is the best thing...I think husbands and wives are gifts from God! Isn't that incredible! To marry that person and know that God created both of you to be together. To know that from the time you and he/she was born that God had you in mind. I mean isn't that amazing?

I don't know if you have ever heard the song "Enough" by Chris Tomlin but I think that really talks about all that we need. We only really need God's love, we only really need God! I mean think about it...everything that I have, I have it because of God. Now think about what you have...what do you have that wasn't from God? NOTHING! I just think we forget how much God has done for us. I think that we go on with our lives and forget to thank God for what he has given us. I mean I do! We complain but do we ever say thanks? (okay going off on a little tangent)

I think I am finally realizing how much I love God! I always said that I love God, but it always felt fake almost...not fake but almost a saying...(I hope I am making sense)...I guess I just never felt that I loved him as much as he loved me. But I don't think that I will ever love him as much as he loves me. But now I feel like I am in love with him. I know that he is all I need. Throw the men out the window who needs them when you have God? I am just kidding...kinda...:) I just finally feel like I love God. I mean for me it has always been something that I have grown up to say or feel...You just love God. Everyone always said God loves me more than I will ever know...but I don't ever remember anyone ever talking about how much they loved God or what that even looked like.

And part of loving God is also trusting him. So if we try so hard to be in a relationship when it's not the right timing for God its like saying I don't love you God. I think it is very disrespectful to not trust God... and I am not pointing fingers and saying you should really trust God, I am talking more to myself I think. I need to trust God just as much as you do. I don't think that I am a very good example of trust.

I do believe that God made man and women to be together...I mean he did make Eve so Adam would have a companion? So I believe that he made each one of us with a companion also. And I also believe that he made each one of us for his love. To say that we love him is one thing but to actual feel love for him is another thing. And I think I have finally realized what it feels like to be in love with God.

"Love is the most dangerous discourse in the world. It is daring and difficult because it makes you vulnerable, but if you experience it, it is the peak of human existence."
James Baldwin