Depression?

I don't know if it’s normal to feel how I feel all the time. I used to feel so good about myself. I used to feel pretty. I used to be active. I used to love to go shopping. I used to love a lot that I can’t even think of doing now. I used to be happy.

Now I just feel like crap all the time. I don't feel pretty anymore (despite how many times my husband tells me I am beautiful). And I don't feel good about myself. I am hardly active anymore just going to the grocery to get milk is a painful. The thought of how much I weigh at the moment disgust me (even though I know that I have a growing healthy baby). I am more excited to get this child out of me than to actually see him and that makes me sad.

I watch all these babies shows where are all the woman are so excited to be pregnant and they just love being pregnant blah blah blah… and it actually makes me sick and sometimes I want to punch them.

And all of that makes me feel so selfish. I want this baby more than anything and I should be enjoying all the kicks and movements (which I do) but I feel so guilty for wanting it out. There are so many women that never get the chance to be pregnant and here I am whining and complaining about it.
I JUST WANT ME BACK!

A pregnant womans diet

So lately I have been starving ALL the time. And you might think well you are pregnant aren't you always starving? I am always hungr and can always eat food, but lately I am just so hungry all the time that my stomach says, "Feed me, feed me!"

This is what I ate the other day:

8:00am- A bowl of Maple Brown Sugar Mini Wheats

10:00am- A bowl of Cocoa Wheats

12:30pm- A Big Mac Meal (I really wanted to large size it but I always feel like a pig when I order it)

4:00pm- I had a donut

6:30pm- A BIG plate of spaghetti (but i didn't finish it because it was really big and I thought i might feel really fat so i stopped when i had about 3 bites left.)

6:50pm- (Yes I was hungry again) a bowl of oatmeal with cool whip...mmmmmm good!

Then i woke up at four in the morning STARVING... so I had some applesauce

And after eating all that I still only weigh 148lbs

I think I might have a big baby... what do you think?

I make myself laugh sometimes

Sometimes you just have to laugh and in this case I was laughing at myself... I was having a good old time... My husband was not... which made me laugh even more! :) But Charlie and I were having fun... we always do though... and he does when he gets to kiss me!

Heres me....

Fat


Fatter


And more fat


It the last week I have become BIG and now my little monster is moving up. And he likes to cause me pain. Everything is perfect with him. He is a healthy baby boy FOR SURE (thats what the ultrasound tech told us... in her words "theres his big package"... yes Chris is very proud)

I on the other hand have been doing A LOT better. I am still tired all the time... but at this point I am guessing that that will NEVER go away. And I think I have come to terms with that being okay.

IT IS?

A BOY

:) :) :)

Yesterday

Well yesterday was a fun day. I ended up spending 5 1/2 hours in the hospital. No big deal though. The night before I feel walking into the house and pulled a muscle. I am fine, baby is fine... everything is great. The doctors just wanted to make sure that nothing was wrong with the baby so they did a lot of test, did an ultra sound to see if the baby was alright and gave me some very nice drugs (which are great because they are drugs don't get me wrong but I don't like them).

And the very coolest part about hurting myself (is there ever a cool part about hurting yourself?.... YES!) We got to find out the sex of the baby. Which everyone will have to wait until my friend calls me back so I can tell her! :)

But until then here are two pictures of my baby! :)


This is the cutest picture in the world! You kind of have to look at it sideways. But you can see the holes for its eyes (which it does have) and then the nose and mouth. And it has both of its arms up in the air. The ultra sound technician told us the baby has hair already. :) :)

I FEEL FAT...

That is my song for the day.

I feel fat
and I will feel fat for atleast the next five months
Oh so fat I feel.

Now I know that its probably very normal to feel fat... but i don't like it.
I can't see my toes anymore when I stand up.

I am having a hard time understanding how people enjoy being pregnant... unless I just got really unlucky with mine... but still!

Well we won't find out the sex of little baby ronning until April 10th. A little dissapointed that i have to wait that long but thats okay.

Not much else to update on.

17 weeks down... too many to go

17 weeks down.

Its getting better as it goes along. Found out that prenatal vitamins make me sick so I get to take Flistone vitamins!! I felt the baby kick the other day and I am still feeling it. It is so great except when I have to pee... :) Went up three bra sizes... you know I had okay sizes boobs before and now I don't know how women with big boobs do it. And they say I am only supposed to get bigger...God help me PLEASE! Its not that its bad that I am big I just got find many bras to fit me because I am so small around. We will soon find out what the sex is... and I will let you all know! :)

The BEST in the world

My husband is the best husband in the world. Most of you know that he is a paramedic/firefighter and if you don't know then you do now. I don't ever get to see my husband in action and actually I am fine with that. Every day he goes to work I pray that God keeps him safe and brings him home to me. Sometimes I wish he had a job that wasn't so dangerous and then I hear him on the radio and there's no way that he was ever meant to do anything else. Whatever he does that day taking care of patients or putting out a fire or going to the scence of an accident he was meant to do exactly what he is doing... being a paramedic/firefighter.

He really is my hero!

15 weeks

(Baby Ronning- he's looking straight up... he didn't want to show us his face but he was fine to show us his hand.)

So I was further along than what we thought... I guess thats a good sign for me. :)

Last Friday we went to the doctor for the first time. We answered all the silly questions, did the whole exam and we even heard the HEARTBEAT!!! And we had our first ultrasound Monday to determine how far along I was. I thought that I was 13 weeks but after the ultrasound they told me I was 15 weeks! Which means the due date for little baby Ronning is now August 8th, 2007.

You know up to this point I wasn't enjoying anything of this pregnancy. The morning sickness is NO FUN! They say its supposed to subside in the second trimester but I have not had that yet. I have never really been a tired person I generally never take naps, but that is not the case now and I used to be a late night girl staying up till mindnight or 1am but now I am lucky if I make it till 10:00. The headaches that you get from all the extra hormones are just horrible... and about the only thing that you can take is Tylenol and then still I am cautious. No one ever tells you that your hair grows at a million miles an hour (okay not really but it feels like that). I know that I am supposed to gain weight for the pregnancy but it really does suck. Its weird because I weigh myself all the time just to make sure that I am not losing weight and its really funny that I haven't gained that much weight (i am talking two pounds) and I feel like I have gained 10 pounds. If you have small boobs then being pregnant and "getting" bigger boobs is probably a good thing but when you have big enough boobs and you get pregnant "getting" bigger boobs is kind of annoying. Those are really only half the things that I haven't really enjoyed but after getting to see my baby its ALL WORTH IT!

I am just glad that everything is going good and the baby is fine.

Mr. and Mrs. Ronning

I AM MARRIED!!! Its not so much weird that we are married because nothing has really changed but the fact that I can say I AM MARRIED is weird! I love him and we had a great wedding. I don't have "the" pictures back yet but I thought i would show some of the pictures that other people have taken!
















The wedding was perfect and it was so great to see all my family and friends... but I am really glad it is over with!!!

Belly Picture!

My first belly picture.... ENJOY!



Kalla with baby ronning at 9 weeks

There has to be a time when I say everything is okay

Is there a time when you just say, "Okay whatever changes I go through during this pregnancy I am perfectly okay with."? Cause I'm not there yet.

Its getting really old not to know what's going to happen tomorrow let alone the next hour. My emotions are whack! I feel sorry for my very soon to be husband... I'm sure that he is scared to say anything to me because of the way I react. I'm scared at the way I react. I don't know if I am going to cry or yell at him. I don't know the last time we actaully ate the same meal together. Its hard because I can't just eat anything. Normally I am the last one to fall asleep at night I'm lucky if he makes it to bed.

I know that I am getting bigger because I have a baby growing inside of me which is very cool but its also very depressing for me. I've tried my whole life to stay at a certain weight and I haven't gained any weight right now I go up and down but I FEEL FAT!! My clothes don't fit and I'm not big enough to actually wear the matirnaty shirts (I can wear them it just makes me look more pregnant). There is a picture hanging on our wall of me and I really don't remember what it feels like to be that person... to feel good... to be able to eat whatever I wanted to... to wear MY clothes that I love... to not feel like crying every single day.

I'm 9 weeks into my pregnancy and I'm tired. Everyone says it gets better in the second trimester but does it really????????

Not only do I have to deal with being in the first trimester of my pregnancy but in 12 days I am getting married. Its really not a good idea to be pregnant and have a wedding at the same time.

Three weeks

Three weeks and I will be Mrs. Ronning.... :) I LOVE IT!!!

But that also means that I have three more weeks to fit in my dress... I am kind of nervous. My dress is at the alteration so I can't even try it on to make sure it still fits. I am nervous because my jeans don't even fit me anymore. Thats the weird thing about pregnancy... i haven't really gained any weight but my tummy is getting bigger... its exciting and annoying at the same time. But all I know is that I will be wearing my wedding dress the day i get married!

So much to do in three weeks... HELP ME!

Birth Control

I have issues with birth control. If you know me then you already know that... and you probably know that I wasn't using birth control because I am pregnant.

There are a couple reasons why I have issues...

1) I don't like the affects that birth control has on a woman's body.
Now I am aware that not everyone has problems when they go on birth control, but I also am aware that your body is never the same after you go off of it.

2) I read an article that was posted on some randoms persons blog about it. The original author is John Piper

Shouldn’t we let God determine the size of our family?
Sometimes people also reason that if you really want to “trust God” to determine the size of your family, then you should not use birth control. The assumption seems to be that if you “just let things happen naturally,” then God is more at work than if you seek to regulate things and be a steward of when they happen. But surely this is wrong! God is just as much in control of whether you have children when you use birth control as when you don’t. The hands of the almighty are not tied by birth control! A couple will have children precisely at the time God wants, whether they use birth control or not. Either way, then, God is ultimately in control of the size of one’s family.

The “trust God, therefore don’t use birth control” thinking is based upon the incorrect assumption that what happens “naturally” reflects “God’s best” for our lives, but that what happens through human means does not. Why should we conclude that the way to let God decide the size of our family is to get out of the way and just let nature take its course? We certainly don’t think that way in other areas of life. We don’t reason, for example, that we should never get haircuts so that “God can decide” the length of our hair. Farmers don’t just let the wind plant their crops in the fear that actively regulating what is grown on their land somehow interferes with the provision God wants to give them. And a family doesn’t just trust God to provide food for by waiting for it to drop from the sky, but instead goes to the store to buys it. God ultimately determines everything that will happen, both in nature and in human decisions, and He brings His will to pass through means. Human activity does not therefore interfere with his plans, but is instead itself governed by Him as the means to bring to pass His will. Hence, we should not conclude that what happens apart from our planning is “better” and more reflective of God’s desires for us than what happens through our planning. God very often causes us to plan as the means towards improving our lives and advancing His kingdom purposes.

Further, God has revealed that it is His will for us to regulate and direct creation for His glory (Genesis 1:28). God has given us the privilege of being able to make significant life decisions because this exercises wisdom and thus shows the fruit that His word is bearing in our lives. When we rightly use the godly wisdom God has given us, God is glorified. He doesn’t want us to simply think we have to take what comes naturally, apart from our efforts, because then our sanctified wisdom is not expressed. In fact, very often it is God’s will that we not simply let things move along naturally. Going back to the analogy mentioned above, farmers don’t simply collect whatever grain happens to grow in their fields, concluding “this is what God wants to provide.” Rather, they go out and plant grain, realizing that God wants to provide not only through nature, but also through the means they employ to steward nature.

It does not work, therefore, to conclude that the use of birth control interferes with God’s role in granting children. Birth control can be a way of wisely stewarding the timing and size of one’s family. One might be able to minister more effectively for the kingdom, for example, by waiting 3 years after marriage to have children in order to enable the husband to go to graduate school. And one might be able to minister more effectively for the kingdom by deciding to have 4 children instead of 15, so that more resources can be given to the cause of missions and more time can be devoted to other areas. If such planning is done for God’s glory and in wisdom, and if such planning continues to acknowledge that our plans are not perfect and that birth control does not absolutely ensure anything, it is pleasing to God.

Does birth control express a lack of faith in God?
Without regulating the size of their family, many couples would end up having more children than they can reasonably support financially. In response, some argue that we should simply have faith that God will provide the funds. However, we don’t use the “God would provide” reasoning to justify going beyond our means in other areas of life. We wouldn’t consider it wise, for example, to pledge twice our annual income to missions organizations in faith that God will supply the extra funds. God expects us to make wise decisions according to what he has given us, and not presume upon him providing from out of the blue. Reasonable financial considerations are a relevant factor: “If anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8).

Should natural family planning be preferred to “artificial” contraception?
Some conclude that “natural family planning” is acceptable but “artificial” means are not. But this seems to overlook something significant: in both cases, you are still seeking to regulate when you have children. And so if one concludes that it is wrong to seek to regulate the timing and size of a family, then it would have to be concluded that natural family planning is just as wrong as “artificial” means. But if one concludes that it is appropriate to steward the timing and size of one’s family, then what makes “artificial” means wrong but natural family planning right? Surely it is not because God is “more free” to overrule our plans with natural family planning! Perhaps some have concluded that artificial forms are wrong because they allow one more fully to separate intercourse from the possibility of procreation. But if it is wrong to have intercourse without a significant possibility of procreation, then it would also be wrong to have intercourse during pregnancy or after a woman is past her childbearing years. There is no reason to conclude that natural family planning is appropriate but that “artificial” means are not.”

I understand and agree with a lot of what he is saying but this whole paragraph...
Sometimes people also reason that if you really want to “trust God” to determine the size of your family, then you should not use birth control. The assumption seems to be that if you “just let things happen naturally,” then God is more at work than if you seek to regulate things and be a steward of when they happen. But surely this is wrong! God is just as much in control of whether you have children when you use birth control as when you don’t. The hands of the almighty are not tied by birth control! A couple will have children precisely at the time God wants, whether they use birth control or not. Either way, then, God is ultimately in control of the size of one’s family.

If I was on birth control than does that mean that I won't be pregnant right now? If God really wanted me to have a baby does it matter either way? But what if after this child when we start having sex again and we decide that we don't want kids at this moment that we won't have any... but what if God has a plan for another one to come right away?

I know that we have free will and God gave us free will to make the right decisions but what if the right decision for us is not to use birth control... then we are wrong? No matter what I will be looked at as wrong because I am pregnant at this moment. You can argue that we should have used birth control... we should have used condoms... blah blah blah... but its not your decision. We made our decision and if that decision led to me getting pregnant than bring it on.

I don't like birth control that's not to say that I won't ever use it, but i have strong opinions about it and I don't see anything wrong with that.

Being pregnant

Now I know why God made women to have babies because men could never handle it.

Imagine having the flu everyday and never being able to do anything about it... it's not so great. I really just have to take one day at a time. All the foods that I once loved I am now unable to eat. Everybody knows that I love macaroni and cheese... I would eat it every day if I could... I am now unable to eat anything with cheese. :( Everyday I crave something different and everyday its hard to eat. There are a few things that I know that I can eat and keep down and there are things that I know I can't eat and keep down. I can't wait till this goes away!

Even though there are days that I am miserable I know that in the end this will all be worth it. My wonderful soon to be husband has been great. There isn't much that he can do for me but sometimes just being there helps a lot.

Me a mommy... Chris a daddy...

I AM PREGNANT!!!

What I thought was a case of the flu turned out to be a little itty bitty thing growing inside of me.

I am about 5 weeks (we think). And let me just tell you this is not the fun part. Althought we are excited (very) the fact that i am nauses all day is not very exciting.

So everything in my life is changing... We are having a baby... we are getting married... we just got a puppy... You know it all sounds so crazy but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Each day it gets more and more real though I don't think it will ever be real until the baby comes.

I am starting to learn that things (planned or unplanned) happen for a reason.

So that is all the news I have. :) :)

Goodbye...

Unless you’ve ever lost someone then you know what it feels like, but this is ten times worse. Today my three younger brothers and sisters were taken from my family.

Almost two and half years ago my parents became foster parents to three younger kids who needed a loving home for them to grow up in. Through the two and half years my family has gone through a lot with them. When they were brought to our home the intent was to adopt them. They had been taken from there moms several times. They are other family members around but the one who wanted them failed her home study so that left no one. Two and half years later and a million court dates all we were waiting for was for them to terminate the mother’s rights.

But yesterday was a very different story. My parents had a meeting with all the social workers (you have no idea how many people it takes) and the kid’s social worker said that they were being taken from the home and going to live with their Grandpa. They told my parents that even if the mothers rights were going to be terminate that they were not going to let my parents adopt these kids.

I felt like the county said that my parents weren’t great parents and I STRONGLY disagree. My parents have done everything for those kids. I really don’t know much of the details but I do know that one of the things that they said were the kids were dirty and they complained about there hair. I can tell you that those little kids have never been dirty. Yes they are kids and they get dirty but DIRTY? And let’s talk about their hair. The mom would not give permission to cute their hair EVER. The county finally set up appointments to get there hair cuts. So they can’t even blame my parents on there hair.

There are a lot of people I am mad at because of this situation. But most of all I am extremely mad at God. I don’t get why He would bring three beautiful children into our lives, let us fall in love with them and then boom… GONE! It doesn’t make sense.

PLEASE PLEASE don’t pretend like you understand when you don’t. I know how much I am hurting right now but I can’t even begin to understand how my mom and dad are feeling. It be easier if they just died… and I know that sounds bad, but if they died I wouldn’t have to worry about them.

If you want to do anything please pray for my family as we grieve losing three little kids.

Thanksgiving

Well we had Thanksgiving earlier this year. Yesteday we spent celebrating Thanksgiving with part of our family.















Here is Baby Girl on our way to Grandma's house (Chris's parents house)















Uncle Steve















Chris and I- Why is it that men always have to watch Football on Thanksgiving? We watched part of the OSU/MICHIGAN game and as you can tell I was routing for Michigan... I have to keep my love happy... ;)

It was a good time...

Only two more Thanksgiving dinners to go... I am not sure I like turkey anymore.

I love my sisters!!!!! I miss my sisters too!!!! I talk to them all the time... or atleast when I get a chance. If you don't have siblings I am sorry. My sisters and I are best friends. When we get together watch out. Have you ever wanted to be like your sisters/brothers? I want to be like my sisters all the time. Betsy is so smart- not that I am not smart but I don't compare to how smart she is. And Sara is so beautiful- I know I am pretty but it doesn't compare to how beautiful she is.

Sisters are the best! If I am doing something stupid then they tell me exactly how it is. If i want to buy something and I really don't need it I always call them so they can talk me out of it...

I just can't really tell you how much my sisters mean to me!!!!