This weekend

Well it was a big weekend for me...

I turned 21 on Thursday. I am finally legal... but there was no drinking involved. :(














Sara graduated... it is so sad. I can't believe that she is getting older. But i am so excited for her! She is such a beautiful woman!



















I visited my family this weekend in Cincinnati... obviously. It was nice to see them. I realize how much I miss them when I go visit. But I also realized how much I miss my husband and puppies while I am gone.

How cute am i?

How cute is Kalla?.... cute!!!! (I know thanks!) How cute does Kalla feel?... Not as cute as Kalla looks.





Honestly I hate being pregnant.... why do people like to be pregnant... all it is is aches and pains... is that seriously enjoyable?

You know what else is very annoying? (well it doesn't matter if you don't I am going to tell you anywise) The fact that when people ask me when I am due and I say August 8th and the go "Oh that sucks you have to go through the summer." Like I didn't realize that I was going to be pregnant in the middle of August... I have only been pregnant 6 months... but people have to remind me ALL the time! People need to be more encouraging like "only three more months to go aren't you excited?" Now that would be a nice thing to say.

I know that gaining thirty pounds during a pregnancy is nothing but I am having the hardest time with it. I don't understand why I am so obsessed with my weight. Its to the point that I am already thinking about what kind of diet I am going to go on after I have the baby and how many times I am going to go for a walk in day. Seriously I am obsessed!

I guess the good thing about being pregnant is my stomach now looks like a waterbed sometimes okay a lot of the times... too bad I couldn't get a pictuure of that!

Its a GOOD DAY!!!

Kelly Clarkson came out with a new single and that means that this is a very GOOD day. Which means that she will also have a new CD out soon... YEA YEA YEA YEA!!!! I just love her!

Depression?

I don't know if it’s normal to feel how I feel all the time. I used to feel so good about myself. I used to feel pretty. I used to be active. I used to love to go shopping. I used to love a lot that I can’t even think of doing now. I used to be happy.

Now I just feel like crap all the time. I don't feel pretty anymore (despite how many times my husband tells me I am beautiful). And I don't feel good about myself. I am hardly active anymore just going to the grocery to get milk is a painful. The thought of how much I weigh at the moment disgust me (even though I know that I have a growing healthy baby). I am more excited to get this child out of me than to actually see him and that makes me sad.

I watch all these babies shows where are all the woman are so excited to be pregnant and they just love being pregnant blah blah blah… and it actually makes me sick and sometimes I want to punch them.

And all of that makes me feel so selfish. I want this baby more than anything and I should be enjoying all the kicks and movements (which I do) but I feel so guilty for wanting it out. There are so many women that never get the chance to be pregnant and here I am whining and complaining about it.
I JUST WANT ME BACK!

A pregnant womans diet

So lately I have been starving ALL the time. And you might think well you are pregnant aren't you always starving? I am always hungr and can always eat food, but lately I am just so hungry all the time that my stomach says, "Feed me, feed me!"

This is what I ate the other day:

8:00am- A bowl of Maple Brown Sugar Mini Wheats

10:00am- A bowl of Cocoa Wheats

12:30pm- A Big Mac Meal (I really wanted to large size it but I always feel like a pig when I order it)

4:00pm- I had a donut

6:30pm- A BIG plate of spaghetti (but i didn't finish it because it was really big and I thought i might feel really fat so i stopped when i had about 3 bites left.)

6:50pm- (Yes I was hungry again) a bowl of oatmeal with cool whip...mmmmmm good!

Then i woke up at four in the morning STARVING... so I had some applesauce

And after eating all that I still only weigh 148lbs

I think I might have a big baby... what do you think?

I make myself laugh sometimes

Sometimes you just have to laugh and in this case I was laughing at myself... I was having a good old time... My husband was not... which made me laugh even more! :) But Charlie and I were having fun... we always do though... and he does when he gets to kiss me!

Heres me....

Fat


Fatter


And more fat


It the last week I have become BIG and now my little monster is moving up. And he likes to cause me pain. Everything is perfect with him. He is a healthy baby boy FOR SURE (thats what the ultrasound tech told us... in her words "theres his big package"... yes Chris is very proud)

I on the other hand have been doing A LOT better. I am still tired all the time... but at this point I am guessing that that will NEVER go away. And I think I have come to terms with that being okay.

IT IS?

A BOY

:) :) :)

Yesterday

Well yesterday was a fun day. I ended up spending 5 1/2 hours in the hospital. No big deal though. The night before I feel walking into the house and pulled a muscle. I am fine, baby is fine... everything is great. The doctors just wanted to make sure that nothing was wrong with the baby so they did a lot of test, did an ultra sound to see if the baby was alright and gave me some very nice drugs (which are great because they are drugs don't get me wrong but I don't like them).

And the very coolest part about hurting myself (is there ever a cool part about hurting yourself?.... YES!) We got to find out the sex of the baby. Which everyone will have to wait until my friend calls me back so I can tell her! :)

But until then here are two pictures of my baby! :)


This is the cutest picture in the world! You kind of have to look at it sideways. But you can see the holes for its eyes (which it does have) and then the nose and mouth. And it has both of its arms up in the air. The ultra sound technician told us the baby has hair already. :) :)

I FEEL FAT...

That is my song for the day.

I feel fat
and I will feel fat for atleast the next five months
Oh so fat I feel.

Now I know that its probably very normal to feel fat... but i don't like it.
I can't see my toes anymore when I stand up.

I am having a hard time understanding how people enjoy being pregnant... unless I just got really unlucky with mine... but still!

Well we won't find out the sex of little baby ronning until April 10th. A little dissapointed that i have to wait that long but thats okay.

Not much else to update on.

17 weeks down... too many to go

17 weeks down.

Its getting better as it goes along. Found out that prenatal vitamins make me sick so I get to take Flistone vitamins!! I felt the baby kick the other day and I am still feeling it. It is so great except when I have to pee... :) Went up three bra sizes... you know I had okay sizes boobs before and now I don't know how women with big boobs do it. And they say I am only supposed to get bigger...God help me PLEASE! Its not that its bad that I am big I just got find many bras to fit me because I am so small around. We will soon find out what the sex is... and I will let you all know! :)

The BEST in the world

My husband is the best husband in the world. Most of you know that he is a paramedic/firefighter and if you don't know then you do now. I don't ever get to see my husband in action and actually I am fine with that. Every day he goes to work I pray that God keeps him safe and brings him home to me. Sometimes I wish he had a job that wasn't so dangerous and then I hear him on the radio and there's no way that he was ever meant to do anything else. Whatever he does that day taking care of patients or putting out a fire or going to the scence of an accident he was meant to do exactly what he is doing... being a paramedic/firefighter.

He really is my hero!

15 weeks

(Baby Ronning- he's looking straight up... he didn't want to show us his face but he was fine to show us his hand.)

So I was further along than what we thought... I guess thats a good sign for me. :)

Last Friday we went to the doctor for the first time. We answered all the silly questions, did the whole exam and we even heard the HEARTBEAT!!! And we had our first ultrasound Monday to determine how far along I was. I thought that I was 13 weeks but after the ultrasound they told me I was 15 weeks! Which means the due date for little baby Ronning is now August 8th, 2007.

You know up to this point I wasn't enjoying anything of this pregnancy. The morning sickness is NO FUN! They say its supposed to subside in the second trimester but I have not had that yet. I have never really been a tired person I generally never take naps, but that is not the case now and I used to be a late night girl staying up till mindnight or 1am but now I am lucky if I make it till 10:00. The headaches that you get from all the extra hormones are just horrible... and about the only thing that you can take is Tylenol and then still I am cautious. No one ever tells you that your hair grows at a million miles an hour (okay not really but it feels like that). I know that I am supposed to gain weight for the pregnancy but it really does suck. Its weird because I weigh myself all the time just to make sure that I am not losing weight and its really funny that I haven't gained that much weight (i am talking two pounds) and I feel like I have gained 10 pounds. If you have small boobs then being pregnant and "getting" bigger boobs is probably a good thing but when you have big enough boobs and you get pregnant "getting" bigger boobs is kind of annoying. Those are really only half the things that I haven't really enjoyed but after getting to see my baby its ALL WORTH IT!

I am just glad that everything is going good and the baby is fine.

Mr. and Mrs. Ronning

I AM MARRIED!!! Its not so much weird that we are married because nothing has really changed but the fact that I can say I AM MARRIED is weird! I love him and we had a great wedding. I don't have "the" pictures back yet but I thought i would show some of the pictures that other people have taken!
















The wedding was perfect and it was so great to see all my family and friends... but I am really glad it is over with!!!

Belly Picture!

My first belly picture.... ENJOY!



Kalla with baby ronning at 9 weeks

There has to be a time when I say everything is okay

Is there a time when you just say, "Okay whatever changes I go through during this pregnancy I am perfectly okay with."? Cause I'm not there yet.

Its getting really old not to know what's going to happen tomorrow let alone the next hour. My emotions are whack! I feel sorry for my very soon to be husband... I'm sure that he is scared to say anything to me because of the way I react. I'm scared at the way I react. I don't know if I am going to cry or yell at him. I don't know the last time we actaully ate the same meal together. Its hard because I can't just eat anything. Normally I am the last one to fall asleep at night I'm lucky if he makes it to bed.

I know that I am getting bigger because I have a baby growing inside of me which is very cool but its also very depressing for me. I've tried my whole life to stay at a certain weight and I haven't gained any weight right now I go up and down but I FEEL FAT!! My clothes don't fit and I'm not big enough to actually wear the matirnaty shirts (I can wear them it just makes me look more pregnant). There is a picture hanging on our wall of me and I really don't remember what it feels like to be that person... to feel good... to be able to eat whatever I wanted to... to wear MY clothes that I love... to not feel like crying every single day.

I'm 9 weeks into my pregnancy and I'm tired. Everyone says it gets better in the second trimester but does it really????????

Not only do I have to deal with being in the first trimester of my pregnancy but in 12 days I am getting married. Its really not a good idea to be pregnant and have a wedding at the same time.

Three weeks

Three weeks and I will be Mrs. Ronning.... :) I LOVE IT!!!

But that also means that I have three more weeks to fit in my dress... I am kind of nervous. My dress is at the alteration so I can't even try it on to make sure it still fits. I am nervous because my jeans don't even fit me anymore. Thats the weird thing about pregnancy... i haven't really gained any weight but my tummy is getting bigger... its exciting and annoying at the same time. But all I know is that I will be wearing my wedding dress the day i get married!

So much to do in three weeks... HELP ME!

Birth Control

I have issues with birth control. If you know me then you already know that... and you probably know that I wasn't using birth control because I am pregnant.

There are a couple reasons why I have issues...

1) I don't like the affects that birth control has on a woman's body.
Now I am aware that not everyone has problems when they go on birth control, but I also am aware that your body is never the same after you go off of it.

2) I read an article that was posted on some randoms persons blog about it. The original author is John Piper

Shouldn’t we let God determine the size of our family?
Sometimes people also reason that if you really want to “trust God” to determine the size of your family, then you should not use birth control. The assumption seems to be that if you “just let things happen naturally,” then God is more at work than if you seek to regulate things and be a steward of when they happen. But surely this is wrong! God is just as much in control of whether you have children when you use birth control as when you don’t. The hands of the almighty are not tied by birth control! A couple will have children precisely at the time God wants, whether they use birth control or not. Either way, then, God is ultimately in control of the size of one’s family.

The “trust God, therefore don’t use birth control” thinking is based upon the incorrect assumption that what happens “naturally” reflects “God’s best” for our lives, but that what happens through human means does not. Why should we conclude that the way to let God decide the size of our family is to get out of the way and just let nature take its course? We certainly don’t think that way in other areas of life. We don’t reason, for example, that we should never get haircuts so that “God can decide” the length of our hair. Farmers don’t just let the wind plant their crops in the fear that actively regulating what is grown on their land somehow interferes with the provision God wants to give them. And a family doesn’t just trust God to provide food for by waiting for it to drop from the sky, but instead goes to the store to buys it. God ultimately determines everything that will happen, both in nature and in human decisions, and He brings His will to pass through means. Human activity does not therefore interfere with his plans, but is instead itself governed by Him as the means to bring to pass His will. Hence, we should not conclude that what happens apart from our planning is “better” and more reflective of God’s desires for us than what happens through our planning. God very often causes us to plan as the means towards improving our lives and advancing His kingdom purposes.

Further, God has revealed that it is His will for us to regulate and direct creation for His glory (Genesis 1:28). God has given us the privilege of being able to make significant life decisions because this exercises wisdom and thus shows the fruit that His word is bearing in our lives. When we rightly use the godly wisdom God has given us, God is glorified. He doesn’t want us to simply think we have to take what comes naturally, apart from our efforts, because then our sanctified wisdom is not expressed. In fact, very often it is God’s will that we not simply let things move along naturally. Going back to the analogy mentioned above, farmers don’t simply collect whatever grain happens to grow in their fields, concluding “this is what God wants to provide.” Rather, they go out and plant grain, realizing that God wants to provide not only through nature, but also through the means they employ to steward nature.

It does not work, therefore, to conclude that the use of birth control interferes with God’s role in granting children. Birth control can be a way of wisely stewarding the timing and size of one’s family. One might be able to minister more effectively for the kingdom, for example, by waiting 3 years after marriage to have children in order to enable the husband to go to graduate school. And one might be able to minister more effectively for the kingdom by deciding to have 4 children instead of 15, so that more resources can be given to the cause of missions and more time can be devoted to other areas. If such planning is done for God’s glory and in wisdom, and if such planning continues to acknowledge that our plans are not perfect and that birth control does not absolutely ensure anything, it is pleasing to God.

Does birth control express a lack of faith in God?
Without regulating the size of their family, many couples would end up having more children than they can reasonably support financially. In response, some argue that we should simply have faith that God will provide the funds. However, we don’t use the “God would provide” reasoning to justify going beyond our means in other areas of life. We wouldn’t consider it wise, for example, to pledge twice our annual income to missions organizations in faith that God will supply the extra funds. God expects us to make wise decisions according to what he has given us, and not presume upon him providing from out of the blue. Reasonable financial considerations are a relevant factor: “If anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8).

Should natural family planning be preferred to “artificial” contraception?
Some conclude that “natural family planning” is acceptable but “artificial” means are not. But this seems to overlook something significant: in both cases, you are still seeking to regulate when you have children. And so if one concludes that it is wrong to seek to regulate the timing and size of a family, then it would have to be concluded that natural family planning is just as wrong as “artificial” means. But if one concludes that it is appropriate to steward the timing and size of one’s family, then what makes “artificial” means wrong but natural family planning right? Surely it is not because God is “more free” to overrule our plans with natural family planning! Perhaps some have concluded that artificial forms are wrong because they allow one more fully to separate intercourse from the possibility of procreation. But if it is wrong to have intercourse without a significant possibility of procreation, then it would also be wrong to have intercourse during pregnancy or after a woman is past her childbearing years. There is no reason to conclude that natural family planning is appropriate but that “artificial” means are not.”

I understand and agree with a lot of what he is saying but this whole paragraph...
Sometimes people also reason that if you really want to “trust God” to determine the size of your family, then you should not use birth control. The assumption seems to be that if you “just let things happen naturally,” then God is more at work than if you seek to regulate things and be a steward of when they happen. But surely this is wrong! God is just as much in control of whether you have children when you use birth control as when you don’t. The hands of the almighty are not tied by birth control! A couple will have children precisely at the time God wants, whether they use birth control or not. Either way, then, God is ultimately in control of the size of one’s family.

If I was on birth control than does that mean that I won't be pregnant right now? If God really wanted me to have a baby does it matter either way? But what if after this child when we start having sex again and we decide that we don't want kids at this moment that we won't have any... but what if God has a plan for another one to come right away?

I know that we have free will and God gave us free will to make the right decisions but what if the right decision for us is not to use birth control... then we are wrong? No matter what I will be looked at as wrong because I am pregnant at this moment. You can argue that we should have used birth control... we should have used condoms... blah blah blah... but its not your decision. We made our decision and if that decision led to me getting pregnant than bring it on.

I don't like birth control that's not to say that I won't ever use it, but i have strong opinions about it and I don't see anything wrong with that.

Being pregnant

Now I know why God made women to have babies because men could never handle it.

Imagine having the flu everyday and never being able to do anything about it... it's not so great. I really just have to take one day at a time. All the foods that I once loved I am now unable to eat. Everybody knows that I love macaroni and cheese... I would eat it every day if I could... I am now unable to eat anything with cheese. :( Everyday I crave something different and everyday its hard to eat. There are a few things that I know that I can eat and keep down and there are things that I know I can't eat and keep down. I can't wait till this goes away!

Even though there are days that I am miserable I know that in the end this will all be worth it. My wonderful soon to be husband has been great. There isn't much that he can do for me but sometimes just being there helps a lot.

Me a mommy... Chris a daddy...

I AM PREGNANT!!!

What I thought was a case of the flu turned out to be a little itty bitty thing growing inside of me.

I am about 5 weeks (we think). And let me just tell you this is not the fun part. Althought we are excited (very) the fact that i am nauses all day is not very exciting.

So everything in my life is changing... We are having a baby... we are getting married... we just got a puppy... You know it all sounds so crazy but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Each day it gets more and more real though I don't think it will ever be real until the baby comes.

I am starting to learn that things (planned or unplanned) happen for a reason.

So that is all the news I have. :) :)

Goodbye...

Unless you’ve ever lost someone then you know what it feels like, but this is ten times worse. Today my three younger brothers and sisters were taken from my family.

Almost two and half years ago my parents became foster parents to three younger kids who needed a loving home for them to grow up in. Through the two and half years my family has gone through a lot with them. When they were brought to our home the intent was to adopt them. They had been taken from there moms several times. They are other family members around but the one who wanted them failed her home study so that left no one. Two and half years later and a million court dates all we were waiting for was for them to terminate the mother’s rights.

But yesterday was a very different story. My parents had a meeting with all the social workers (you have no idea how many people it takes) and the kid’s social worker said that they were being taken from the home and going to live with their Grandpa. They told my parents that even if the mothers rights were going to be terminate that they were not going to let my parents adopt these kids.

I felt like the county said that my parents weren’t great parents and I STRONGLY disagree. My parents have done everything for those kids. I really don’t know much of the details but I do know that one of the things that they said were the kids were dirty and they complained about there hair. I can tell you that those little kids have never been dirty. Yes they are kids and they get dirty but DIRTY? And let’s talk about their hair. The mom would not give permission to cute their hair EVER. The county finally set up appointments to get there hair cuts. So they can’t even blame my parents on there hair.

There are a lot of people I am mad at because of this situation. But most of all I am extremely mad at God. I don’t get why He would bring three beautiful children into our lives, let us fall in love with them and then boom… GONE! It doesn’t make sense.

PLEASE PLEASE don’t pretend like you understand when you don’t. I know how much I am hurting right now but I can’t even begin to understand how my mom and dad are feeling. It be easier if they just died… and I know that sounds bad, but if they died I wouldn’t have to worry about them.

If you want to do anything please pray for my family as we grieve losing three little kids.

Thanksgiving

Well we had Thanksgiving earlier this year. Yesteday we spent celebrating Thanksgiving with part of our family.















Here is Baby Girl on our way to Grandma's house (Chris's parents house)















Uncle Steve















Chris and I- Why is it that men always have to watch Football on Thanksgiving? We watched part of the OSU/MICHIGAN game and as you can tell I was routing for Michigan... I have to keep my love happy... ;)

It was a good time...

Only two more Thanksgiving dinners to go... I am not sure I like turkey anymore.

I love my sisters!!!!! I miss my sisters too!!!! I talk to them all the time... or atleast when I get a chance. If you don't have siblings I am sorry. My sisters and I are best friends. When we get together watch out. Have you ever wanted to be like your sisters/brothers? I want to be like my sisters all the time. Betsy is so smart- not that I am not smart but I don't compare to how smart she is. And Sara is so beautiful- I know I am pretty but it doesn't compare to how beautiful she is.

Sisters are the best! If I am doing something stupid then they tell me exactly how it is. If i want to buy something and I really don't need it I always call them so they can talk me out of it...

I just can't really tell you how much my sisters mean to me!!!!

New Baby Girl

This past Sunday we drove two hours (well four round trip) to get my very early Christmas present...

MY NEW BABY GIRL (she is a Dachshund... or what some people like to call a wiener dog)















I love her... I am so in love with her... but I am not in love with her when it is two o'clock in the morning and Baby Girl is whining at the top of her lungs. But she is so cute and adorable that I pick (literally) my butt out of bed and see what she needs. Sometimes she needs to go potty, sometimes she lets us know that she has gone potty (I've never known a dog who let there owners know that they went potty... but she does), and sometimes she just needs to be reassured that we are here.

The first night with Baby Girl was horrible. We (Chris and I) agreed that when she whined we would let her whine and not run to her... that lasted long. It was 2am when I woke up for the second time. I tried to let her whine but after an hour you get really annoyed. I told Chris I was going to pick her ass up and put her in the other room. Well come to find out she had pooped in her cage... so like a good mommy and daddy we cleaned it up and put her snugly back in her cage. But Baby Girl wasn't liking that. So Chris got her out and brought her to bed with us...BIG MISTAKE. She was not tired... she wanted to play. Chris tried to get her to calm down but it wasn't happening and I was trying to fall asleep which wasn't happening either. So like a good mommy I got up and took her to eat, because after two hours I was hungry too. She ate, I ate, we watched some TV and back to bed we went. We had bought her this little bed so I thought I would try to put her in that and see how she did... that was at 5am... she slept till 8am...I slept till 8am we were both happy.

The next couple nights were hard too but not has bad. Chris was gone for a couple nights on a business trip so I was left to take care of all three puppies (yeah we have three dogs) and on top of it all I got sick. But I am feeling better now and Baby Girl only got up once last night and Chris came home very early this morning... YAY!!!!! I'm happy, Baby Girl is happy, Charlie's happy, Toby... well he's Toby, and Chris, yeah he's happy because he is sleeping. We are a happy family. I need a theme song... haha!

If you think you are ready to have kids go get a puppy... if you can handle a puppy then you are ready. I am not ready to have a baby! But I love my Baby Girl and I wouldn't trade her for anything.

You want to plan my wedding?

Planning a wedding is not fun...

Yes I would love to have a wedding but the idea of eloping sounds so great at the moment. We don't know where we are getting married, when it will be all that fun stuff... but the biggest part... my dress has been found!!! ( I would let everyone see a picture of it but I know that my love looks at this and as much as I really want to show him I can't. :( ... so I guess you will all just have to wait!)

Another good thing (this is not about the wedding) we are getting a new puppy!!! We are going to call her Penelopee... except we pronounce is very differently...

Typical Kalla

Tuesday afternoon I arrived home to my wonderful boyfriend after spending a weekend in Cincinnati. We said hi ate lunch... you know the normal stuff. I was tired since I had gotten up at 5:15am that morning to leave so we went up stairs to take a nap. When we went upstairs I took some new candle holders that I had gotten and was going to see how they looked on the dresser while Chris went down stairs for something. LETS BACK UP FOR A MOMENT.

About a month ago I went shopping with Cheryl (Chris' mom) and a friend. While we were shopping we stopped by this jeweler to look at rings... doesn't hurt to look. While we were there I found the ONE! It was gorgeous! The guy gave Chris' mom all the information on a business card and off we went.

Back to the story...
As I was setting up the holders I had to move a few things on the dresser. One of those things happened to be a card from the jewelers (and not the same card that he gave to Chris' mom). I knew before I saw the card that he had never been up there before because its not a chain jeweler. So when I saw the card I was suspicious.

I wasn't going to say anything but if you know me you know I am nosy. So when he came upstairs I asked him when he had gone to the jeweler. Of course he had no idea how I knew he went until I showed him the card. He then told me that there was a present for me downstairs and I needed to go look for it... (I hate those types of games) So I went downstairs in the kitchen to look and I couldn't find anything! I was begging him to tell me where it was when he sat me down and he pulled it (the ring) out of his pocket and asked me to marry him. I SAID YES!!!



It wasn't how he wanted to do it... but I loved how it happened and I LOVE him!!!!

October 17, 2006 I got engaged to the most wonderful man!!!!

Plano, IL

As most of you all know I live in Plano Illinois now. And as most of you know I live with my boyfriend. (and if you didn’t know you do now… ☺) Go ahead and say what you have to say because I guarantee that I have heard it and more than once. I made this decision and I’m not ashamed of it. People say I’ve changed and they’re right I have, but don’t we all? The only difference now is that I am not near anyone so you can’t see it. It’s like when you are a parent you don’t really notice that your child is getting bigger, you know they are but you don’t see the changes like grandparents or friends do. Maybe I am making the worst mistake in the world, but as I have told my parents I will have to deal with the consequence then.

I love where I am. I love what I do. I just love life. I love being with Chris. I never thought that I could love someone so much and them love me so much more. I didn’t know that I could argue with someone so much and in the end love them more. I wouldn’t trade him for anything. I love my house, I love my car, I love my dogs, and I love my boyfriend!

The only thing that is frustrating is people thinking that by telling me I am making a big mistake that I am going to change my mind. I can guarantee you that I am not going to change my mind.

I’m coming back to Cincinnati soon so if you want to get together let me know! ☺



My puppy Toby.

9/11

I know so cliché to write about 9/11 on 9/11.

This year 9/11 has a different meaning for me. I’ve watched TV shows this past week about 9/11 and the people who died and the firefighters and rescue people who died on 9/11. And this year it hits home. I could never relate to people who talked about losing a love one on that day. I imagined that it would be the hardest thing in the world but I could never sympathize with them… well not anymore.

As some of you may not know my boyfriend is a Paramedic/Firefighter and though he doesn’t work in a big city I still worry about him everyday he goes to work. I hear these women talking about how their husband wouldn’t have turned around to save themselves, because that’s not what their job required of them. There job was to save lives and though the may not have known that the World Trade Centers were going to collapse they went in there to save lives and for that they are all heroes.

So today we say Thank You to all the men and woman who died on 9/11 to help others.

Saying good-bye isn't easy

I thought that it would be easier this time to say good-bye. I mean I thought that I have become a pro at saying good-bye that this time would be a little easier... NOT!!

It's been a rough summer, but I have met a lot of great people. And I have had a fabulous time in Houston. I got use to the heat (which I am not going to miss) but I am going to miss a lot of people.

I am going to miss everyone that i work with:
Casey
Adam
Robbie
Jamie
Heidi
Cheryl
Sonja
Bob
Cissi
Lesa
Dustin
You have no idea how much these people have to put up with me. But they have been very patient with me these past three months. Thanks for making my time in Houston so wonderful and fun!

I am going to miss the De Aramas
Brian
Lois
Nicco
Rio
Shilo
I lived with them for about three weeks. The accepted me like they knew me for years. I will never forget their family.

I am going to miss the Reiders
Robbie (I am going to miss you twice..:))
Dana- it was so great to get to know you more and spend time chatting with you. Thanks for letting me live with you and loving on your kids.
Olsen- You are a smart little boy.
Avery- SO CUTE!

I am going to miss the girls.
Tiffany- and my little boyfriend
Ace
Shelly- and Samuel
What you girls didn't know is that I use to hate women. I just never thought that I could get a long with a bunch of girls like I did with you. Thank you so much for our fun times. Austin will always be one of my favorite trips!

And the person that i will miss the most (sorry everyone) is...
Liz!
I realized that I could be myself around you and you thought it was funny. I was never afraid to tell you anything. Like I have told you before I think we were twins seperated at birth. You've become like a sister and a friend. Thanks for being so kind and just accepting me when I first came. I am going to miss you Biatch! :) But I am always a phone call or IM :) away. It won't be the same though because I can't see you while IMing you... haha! And all our little jokes and sayings... Love ya girl! :)

I will be leaving in less than 24 hours and though I am very excited I am also very sad. I haven't said goodbye to anyone and I don't really want to. But its not goodbye only see you later!

So see ya'll later my friends!

Austin City Limits

This weekend we went up to Austin to visit a sweet church. It was also a good-bye weekend for me. I love my girls. Ya’ll will always have a place in my heart.

I walked into church this morning and I just wanted to burst into tears. Vista Community Church is a newer church about two years old. I was reading the program and I just wanted to cry and I don’t really know why.

This was the first time in months that I actually felt like I was “going” to a church. Worship was great and the talk was amazing like always. The way that Jeff speaks is just unique. I could listen to him for hours.

But ever since we left the church my heart hurts… and I don’t know why? The church meets in an elementary school which means each weekend they have to set and tear down. And in a way I really miss that. I miss not being part of something great that God is doing.

Worship had just started to begin and the thought of working at a church crossed my mind. And I honestly couldn’t even believe I thought that. But then I thought I don’t want to work at a church I want to be “part” of a church. I don’t remember the last time I was really part of a church. I’ve always worked at a church so I guess you could say that I was part of a church but it’s really different. I want to go and serve. I have been give so many different talents to just waste them.

Since coming down to Houston I never really felt like the churches valued serving. And not serving as going out each weekend and handing out cokes, or cleaning toilets but serving each other- the church. I do think that some people have the gift of serving more than others and I also believe that everyone has the gift to serve. There are so many of us that just don’t know what to do with that gift sometimes. Jeff talked this morning about how when we think about serving we think about the poor or the homeless, but sometimes it’s the people within our churches that need to be served more. Sometimes it’s our time, sometimes it our money, sometimes it’s a shoulder to cry on and sometimes it’s just our ears.

It’s hard because I feel like God has given me this gift of serving but sometimes I just don’t know what to do with it… I have served in churches (or church) for years and part of me is so burned out by it that I don’t know if I could put myself in that position again, but at the same time I feel like that’s where I am supposed to be. I feel like a lost puppy wandering around.

Summer is coming to an end

My time in Houston is almost over. I can’t say that Houston was a bad move for me and I can’t say that Houston was a good move for me. Being in Houston has had its ups and downs but I know one thing I will never forget… the people that I have met this summer.

This summer was all about me- I know that sounds bad but its not. It was about learning who I was and what I can be. As everyone knows it was really hard for me to move down here. I was scared and nervous and just didn't know what to expect. But what I found out is that everyone loves me and I don't know why? I have met so many great people. I haven't been anything other then who I am and to my surprise they all love me... who knew? I met an incredible man who I fell in love with and again to my surprise he fell in love with me.

Some pics of my wonderful friends...

Meet the Girls: (From front Left) Shelly, Heidi, "ACE" (Candace), Elizabeth :)

She is one of my favorite people... :-D (she's my...well thats between us!)
Hey Liz, MOVE TO HOUSTON!!! (you know who thats from..haha!!)

So like I said my time in Houston is almost over… that’s right almost over. In eight days I move to Chicago. In the past three months I have moved four times (that’s ridiculous) and I am getting tired of moving, but I think that I will be in Chicago for a while.

So why Chicago? As most of you know at the end of May I met Chris and Chris just happens to live in Chicago… okay so I moving to Chicago to be with Chris. We’ve spent hours and hours and hours on the phone and I have gone to visit him twice. Each day I fall more and more in love with him.

As much as a lot of people don’t like the idea of me moving to Chicago I have found out that in the process it is growing me and I am excited to see how this journey is going to go and what lies ahead. I am excited to in a way finally start a relationship with Chris and I am also very excited to be closer to my family and friends.

My wonderful boyfriend

I can’t really tell you how wonderful the love of my life is, but let me just tell you what he did for me.

For over a week now Chris has been telling me that he has a surprise for me. If you know me than you know that I love surprises but I don’t like to know that I have a surprise and not know what it is. And he loves to tell me that he has a surprise for me…just because he knows that I really want to know. He kept telling me that I will get it when I get there Thursday. I started to just ignore him because I knew he was just doing it because it bothered me.

Friday night he sent me a text message with this…
It said:
This is your present!










Now that isn’t the only reason why I love him so much I love him because of so many other things… but I won’t bore you all with that!

I LOVE YOU BUG! :)

The night I went too far

I remember that night too clearly and sometimes I wish I didn’t.

I don’t regret anything that I’ve ever done. We all make wrong decisions and I just happened to make a wrong decision. Do I wish I could do it over? Sure, but I am who I am because of the things, good and bad, that I’ve done.

I knew what I was doing every step of they way. Some might think my emotions got in the way but I knew where I was, who I was with, what would happen if I did this, and that I could easily get up and walk away, but I chose to stay. I chose to stay to get that feeling. Maybe I was looking for something in the wrong place. Okay I was looking for something in the wrong place. But lets be honest… I wasn’t thinking in that moment. If I was a guy lets just say I would be thinking with my… (you know what ☺). That wouldn’t be the last time I would sleep with him.

See for me it was a secret for so long and for so long it hurt. It hurt because what was I to him? Did I really mean anything to him… or was I just good for him because he needed to get his needs met? We had conversation after conversation about how much we both meant to each other and for some stupid reason I believed him, which only meant that I was hurt more. In those moments I felt like I was the most important thing to him. That I could do anything and some how I would be loved (not that he ever said that but its what I felt) but only to turn around and be disappointed the next day because it was “just wrong.”

I got that it was wrong the first time… but after the second, third, fourth time I don’t know if I could believe it anymore. Every thing that he said felt like he was saying it just because I wanted to hear it. And stupid me believed every single word.

I tried not to think about him, but come on I’m a girl and I really liked him. There was something about him, but there were also a lot of things that I just didn’t see because I was too wrapped around him. I would have done anything for him. But I’m not the one who lost anything… he missed out on someone great.

Now to you:
I’m done with you. I didn’t think that I would ever be able to forgive you but now is the time. It hurt but not anymore. You say you care, but if you really cared why? I know we’ve had this conversation. There’s a part of me that will always be cautious. I wish I didn’t always have to put my guard up. But something happened when I fell in love. It was hard to let him love me. I can be the biggest of bitches and he still loves me. I only hope that one day you find that love that you are looking for… someone who can put up with you and someone who you can put up with. Love isn’t all the mushy, “I love you” and sleeping with her every night and laughing all the time. It’s the good times and the bad times. You can’t choose to love at certain times of the day. Its all day every day for the rest of your life. Just remember you aren’t a bad guy and you will find that love that you are looking for... she's out there waiting.

One of the most AMAZING nights of my life

KELLY CLARKSON!
I love Kelly Clarkson and last night I got to see her in concert. It was AMAZING! I admire her so much as a person. She went from waiting table three years ago to making music. She is amazing. Her voice is AMAZING!
Lets just say it was an AMAZING night.

There was six of us who went and lets say we got the hook up. One of the guys in the band and also the musical director for the tour is a friend of Adam and Casey's. He used to travel with David Ruis and someone else and now he travels with Kelly and is working on her new CD. We got a tour of the stage before the show started and we got to tour the bands bus (which is very different from Kelly's) and we got to meet the band. We didn't get to meet Kelly which was sad but the night was so AMAZING that I didn't even really care. I was just so excited to be at the concert. And we got amazing seats! Not front row but lets say the seats that we had cost $75.

I was sad the night was over but something that I will never forget!

This great LOVE

Do you ever feel like you have to pray more? Or read your bible more? Or go to church more? Because you think God is keeping a list of all our names with check marks by them of all the things we’ve done wrong and in order to clear all the check marks you have next to your name (there would be a lot next to mine) you have to do “more.” Isn’t that one of the biggest lies we’ve ever heard?

On Thursday nights there’s a bunch of girls that go to this bible study downtown called Metro (check it out). The speakers name is Jeff Magnum. Wonderful speaker (if you get a chance check out the podcast!) He pastors a church in Austin, Texas and every Thursday night for the past 6 weeks has been driving two hours each way to speak to a group of 20-30 year olds.

Last night he spoke on redemption. But that’s not what stuck out to me. I know that I’ve talked about God’s love and it being so big and sometimes misunderstood. Jeff has an 8 month old little daughter. He said the most frustrating thing is that she doesn’t know how much her daddy loves her. He said he sits there every day and tells her a million times that he loves her and she just smiles or laughs at him. Do you ever think we do that with God, smile and laugh at him when he tells us he loves us?

The three words that God tells us every single day probably over and over again are I LOVE YOU and the mean nothing to us. We brush those words off like they mean nothing to us because we don’t understand the depth of what they really mean. I know that God loves me and I can tell you a million times but I don’t understand the depth of how God really loves me. It almost brings me to tears; no it does because I can’t grasp that love.

I just hope one day I will be able to grasp a little of that love!

I’m not sure I understand what church is for.

Churches down in Houston are very different from churches in Cincinnati. When I first started to go to church down here I thought they “did” church the wrong way. Worship is just mediocre, talks are taught right from the bible and not life related (if that makes sense… and not saying that is wrong at all), production is not a big quality here, church is so long and churches are also small here.

Now none of that is wrong. But I’ve realized I don’t know what church is for.

I know that all churches are different and every church is going to do things very different from every other church but shouldn’t church have one main focus… to bring people to Christ? VCC is a very outward focused church. It’s all about serving the poor and reaching out to those in need. In Houston most of the churches that I have attended are community focused. Being in community is a key factor to living a life with Christ.

I go to a Vineyard church which is a non-denominational church. But how is that any different from a denominational church? Lutheran’s, Baptists, and whoever else have rules or regulations (I guess you could call them that) that they have to follow as a church. If you are a Vineyard Church don’t you also follow rules and regulations set by the Vineyard Association?

I guess I just don’t understand why people make a big deal out of going to church. I’ve never gone to church every week and been blown away every week…maybe every once in a while but as far as every week… no. I can sit and have a conversation with God and get more out of that than going and listening to some one speak to me for 30-40 minutes. I’m not saying that you don’t need to go to church and that I think it’s a waste of time because I think that its part of being in a relationship with Christ, but I don’t know if just going to church to say I’ve gone is the right thing either.

It was a lot easier when I was a kid. I just followed my mom and dad but now that I am all by myself I’m just trying to figure out where I fit in and what fits me.

Falling in love

Okay I know it's been a while since I wrote something so I thought I would do so since every one seems to want to hear about something. So a lot of people have probably been wondering what's up with Chris... I thought you guys broke up? We did and then we got back together (and are together).

I first met Chris last Thanksgiving when I went to visit my grandparents. One night while we were there my aunt wanted to go bowling and hang out with us and some of her friends... Chris happened to be one of them. We met at dinner first and then went out bowling. Him and one of his then left real suddenly because my aunt and him got in an arguement. He then came back and hung out for a while. That was all. I thought he was cute but that was all. I lived in Cincy he lived in Plano.
I knew that Chris was going to be in my Aunts wedding and asked if I could walk down the aisle with him. She said sure. Little did I know that he also wanted to walk down the aisle with me... :) I was excited to see him. He was funny... and cute... and very sweet! We had fun at the wedding a little flirting... okay a lot mostly from him... :) :) :). That weekend was fun and I left not thinking anything would come from it... maybe a new friend? Little did I know that I would fall in love. We chatted that night I got here and the next day and the next day and the next day and every day since. Two weeks into it I got a little scared. I didn't realize how we would be able to have a relationship that was so far away. It broke my heart to break up with him and I know that it break his even more. He sent me a letter that showed me just how much he loved me. Here is a little of it...

Maybe one day we will meet again and things will be different that time. If we were really meant to be, we will be. Maybe we both still have some growing to do. If God wants us to be together he will find a way to make it happen. As hard as it is for me, I am going to let you go without a fight. Only because I know in my heart you will come back to me with open arms. I tried so hard not to cry, but now I am. It hurts so bad to say goodbye to someone I love so much, but I guess I don't have much choice. I will love you forever, nothing will change that. I hope you find what you are looking for. You deserve all the glories and riches in the world. Good luck in everything you do, and know that I love you and I am behind you 100% in everything you do. Don't forget to smile every day, because everyone deserves to see how beautiful you and your smile are.

I cried and I cry every time I read that. I didn't talk to him for maybe a day and it killed me. At that time I was in Colorado and unable to use my cell phone... good thing? NO! I needed to talk to anyone and I couldn't. It was the worst thing ever. When I was in a place with reception I ended up calling him and we've never stopped. At first it was just as friends... yeah you know how that works. And then I went and visited him and everything changed. I feel in love... :) So thats the story. Thats why I'm always so happy!

I can't take anymore

I’m just frustrated today.

It’s one of those days that no matter what happens everything just seems to frustrate me. I can be having a nice conversation and then the next minute something sets me off and your pissed... Yeah that’s my day today. :(

Sorry if I was grumpy to you. It didn't have anything to do with you.

I want to bake or cook... yeah it's like 1AM here and I'm in bed and I want to cook. I am just stressed out and annoyed. I really just want to go to bed so I can end this day but every time I lay down I think about too much stuff. And honestly I would rather not think at this moment. I would love to fall in a deep sleep and dream about good things. I would also like my cell phone to stop breaking. In less than one month I will have gone through three cell phones... I feel like Steve Fuller... If you are ever thinking about buying a razor... DON'T! This is the second time that it refuses to charge. (I swear I don't do anything too it!!!) And it's not the battery. Thats what the guy tried to tell me over the phone but I got kind of frustrated so I think he finally understood that this was a major issue and that I just needed a new one. I'm hungry (I just realized that) but I am too lazy at this moment to get out of bed and get me something to eat. I need some good Dane Cook. I need to just laugh in this moment. Maybe I will go do that... I will let you know if it helped!

I'm sorry!

I have a lot of apologizing to be done but I'm sorry I have kept you all out of the loop. It's been a weird last three weeks. I don't have internet at the house I am staying out so I can't just blog at anytime at this moment.

I've moved again and then in about a week or so I will move again and then who knows when I will move again. My world is very crazy at the moment.

I am sorry to all those who have tried to call and I don't answer... I am sorry to those who I haven't called and should... I am sorry to some other people that I have made mad a couple weeks ago... in general I am just sorry! I hope you can forgive me.

Houston is just going... I don't love it but I don't hate it. I love my job but hate the city. No offense to anyone who lives in Houston or is going to be... but the city SUCKS! :)

On another note... I've gotten to hang out with some cool girls and just have fun.

Here are some pictures of my new family at the moment. :)








Here's me and the girls... we were on the way to the movies!








Meet Shilo...













....and meet Rio.








and this is Nicco (I bet he won't like this picture up... but that's what happens when your younger sister gets a hold of the camera! :))








And I have to put a picture of Chris! :) :) :) :) :) :)

What a week...

This week has been amazing. I don't have time to write about it at the moment but just keep checking I will update soon! ;)